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Daybreakers” is coming out soon, and to be honest, it’s going to kick both human and vampire asses all over the place.  It’s a mouth-kick well placed in the grill of the emergent daemon of teenie-bopper vampires, and we’ll be first in line when the blood truly begins to flow.  But, that’s not to say that teenie bopper vamps have nothing at all to offer us.

If you Google vampire fashion like we just did, the results are somewhat surprising. Maybe 5 years ago they wouldn’t have been. But since 90% of women between the ages of 16 and 60 have been seduced by the vegetarian vampire Edward Cullen, vampires have taken on a decidedly more humane, gentle, and, indeed, stylish image. True Blood, The Twilight Saga, and Vampire Diaries have offered us a rose-colored lens through which an otherwise gruesome culture has given us some insight into how to be better (human) lovers, (human) dressers, and (human) friends. For now, though, we’ll stick to the clothes.

Twilight Style

Who: Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) plays a vampire who doesn’t drink human blood, but just spends his time seducing socially awkward young women with a gentlemanly air about him.

His Style in 140 characters:  Edward’s Style is a reflection of his need to blend in.  He’s got money, and style, but he doesn’t flaunt it, and neither should you.

What to drive: Sharp yet subsumed. It’s honestly probably best portrayed by the car he drives in the series: the 2008 Volvo C30. It is a Volvo, and appropriately conservative looking and reliable. But, beneath its middle-aged exterior is a surprising amount of performance. 218-horsepower from an inline 5 and a firmer chassis and suspension setup than its predecessors to improve handling.

What to wear: The Cullens are monumentally wealthy, but Edward Cullen dresses mostly in handsome coats (like these) and well-fitting-but-not-ostentatious jeans (like these). You never really get a good look at them, but one would bet that if he were to splurge on one aspect of his clothing, it’d be the shoes.

True Blood Style

Who: If there’s one lesson to learn from “True Blood,” it’s that the clothes, truly, do not make the man. In Stephen Moyer’s own words, his character, “[is] very gentlemanly, asking, ‘May I visit with you at your home?’ It’s a sentimental, old-world kind of courting.” There’s no suit out there so fashionable so as to substitute for manners, boys.

His style in 140 characters: Dress plainly and functionally.  Nothing says, “I’m stupid” faster than an “I’m with stupid” shirt.

What to drive: Something reliable and functional that isn’t too flashy.  We would suggest the Avalanche but the plastic moulding is a little gaudy for us.  Better to go with the old standard: Silverado with a cab suited to the number of kids you want.

What to wear: This is the most “adult” of the three series under consideration – targeting slightly older than middle school audience members. And, appropriately, the fashion is much less glamorous in it. Set in fictional Louisiana town in a world where vampires no longer have to hide because synthetic human blood is available for their consumption, this down-to(below?)-earth setup inspires homespun outfits that rely primarily on the man’s physique and chivalry to communicate his style.  Food for thought: does this mean David Beckham is a vampire?

Vampire Diaries Style

Who:  Damon Salvatore (portrayed by Ian Somerhalder) is the the slightly darker of the gentle-vamps on the show. Probably the least popular of the three series under dissection here, Vampire Diaries is targeted at a younger audience so the clothing therein is somewhat less austere than the above two.

His style in 140 characters: His dress, like Bill in “True Blood,” reflects his demeanor. Except he’s no gentleman.

What to drive: A motorcyle.  If you haven’t got your license, do so.  Depending on your own style you should pick up an entry level cruiser or entry level crotch rocket.  Unless you’re already riding, then you should think about painting whatever you’ve got matte black.

What to wear: He is aggressive, sleek and sexual. He wears suits and usually they’re not traditional. He’ll wear a jacket with over-reflective lapels and a crimson scarf. A leather jacket works for him because he knows he’s going to scrap wherever he goes. Pinstripe pants with just about anything. This is a good look for younger guys (Damon himself is in high school) that works best for the slim-hipped would-be bloodsucker out there. But, if your physique is lacking, you can make up for that with unadulterated confidence in your own wacky dress. These are the outfits for the people that are vampires, and they don’t give a damn who knows it.

Honorable Mention: Blade

Although, unfortunately, there really isn’t a big call for it in the real, human world, we do appreciate a bullet-proof vest featuring a sheath for a sword.  One of the most eye-catching ensembles in the pantheon of vampires, half-vampires, and familiars is that of the Daywalker: Blade. Plus he drives a Charger, and that’s pretty badass.  He gets an honorable mention, but not much more than that.