You’re too busy for a full blown relationship. You just bailed out of a full blown relationship and want fun without further obligations. You barely manage to take care of your own self let alone someone who demands shopping privileges, dinner dates, weekend events and meeting her parents. You also, however, really like to get laid. Problem? I think not. Opportunity to discover the best kind of male-to-female scenario available to people too selfish and concerned with their youth to get locked down? Absolutely. Some people call them ‘friends with benefits,’ and the more audacious crowd ‘f*#ck buddies,’ but no matter the name – it’s a beautiful reality free of games and obligations and full of getting laid.

Step One: Assess your possibilities

Just as in business, it’s smartest to start with who you know. Most people unnecessarily overcomplicate finding a sexual partner, whereas those who understand it’s merely a matter of capitalizing on their current resources have an easy time. Let me clarify "capitalizing on your current resources." Look around you. What attractive single females do you already know? It can be someone either very close to you or someone far removed, a colleague (Note: be smart about work entanglements or mutual acquaintance. Now assess your relationship with that person. Has there been prior flirtatious moments or innuendos made? If so, rack your brain to a find a social setting wherein you and this person have another opportunity to hang out together. I emphasize ‘hang out,’ because the scenario needs to be relaxed and informal. Finding a friends with benefits is all about creating the right mood from the start.

Step Two: Creating the right mood

If you don’t have an attractive female already in your life, not to fret, there’s multitudes of options. Most of them begin with a bar or some other entertaining social scenario where liquor and lack of inhibitions are involved. Mothers told their daughters long ago never to attempt finding a reliable man in a bar, so at this point, it’s their problem. And their problem is your perfect moment, so seize it! If it’s not a bar, it should be a house party, a beach barbeque, a music concert – anything other than intimate, sentimental situations like bookstores, parks, cafes (these settings always lead a woman to romanticized notions). What you want is casual. No matter what, cling to the concept of casual.

Step Three: Starting a casual rapport

Biggest mistake a man can make in trying to find a ‘friends with benefits’ is in trying to woo her. No wooing should take place here. Wooing leads to her wondering why you aren’t wooing her anymore, after your initial night has taken place. What you want is a woman who doesn’t require wooing, but instead tries her hand at a few dirty jokes, daring dance moves and double-shot drinks – someone with FUN scrawled across their chest (pun intended).

These kinds of girls know what you’re after and so any preliminary game they require of you is only for their own mischievous pre-sex desire, not because they’re looking to get taken on a date. Once spotting a female of this perfect caliber, again, assess the scenario. Is she with all girls? Or also with men? Try to make eye contact and see if she flickers hers back. If you get even the slightest response, go to work picking her up. But make sure there is no silly, feigned sweetness to your come on. Treat her as though she were already a friend. Say "what’s up" instead of "hey, baby." Buy her a beer instead of a cocktail. Right away, set the stage for a casual, light feel between the two of you.

Step Four: Getting the deed done

If you’ve followed the above instructions and been choosy about finding the right female, relaxed enough to deal with an utter absence of dependancy, this part should not be difficult. Odds are, she’s wanting the same thing and won’t unnecessarily stand in the way of your getting it. If, however, you feel anxious about this final step, try continually circling back to the friend zone, while simultaneously flirting like crazy.

For example, ask her if she’d like to come over and watch a movie. Have a beer, hang out on the couch and do your best to act like a regular dude (i.e. how you are when chicks are not present). Whatever you do, DON’T choose a movie that has the potential for tears. Think Jud Appatow, senseless, hilarious, male-driven humor. If she’s down with this sort of flick, she’s perfect to turn down the bed with. Cozy up, continuing to pursue the casual, friends-like feel of the situation and naturally let the scenario turn physical when the right moment presents itself (unfortunately this is something only you can detect, but if it’s the right moment, you’ll know it).


The best way to judge whether or not the situation is going well is to monitor her behavior after sex. Does she jump into your arms and cuddle up sweetly before falling asleep? Or does she make a few jokes, feel comfortable falling asleep naked and nudge your body over for covers rather than comfort? If she does the former, your plan’s gone awry – you’ll have to revert to step one. If it’s the latter, go to sleep knowing you’ve chosen well.

In the morning, make some breakfast, even if it’s just black coffee and dry cereal in a cracked bowl. Remember, this chick doesn’t need performance, but she does need to know you’re a decent guy. While eating, casually ask her what her situation is like. Is she seeing anyone? Does she do this sort of thing often? Don’t interrogate her, obviously, but do make it an easy, open conversation about the status of your respective sexual lives. Begin by assuming that you’re not the only guy in her life, this way, even if you are, she’ll be forced to understand you’re not going to be for long. Let her know kindly that your life is super hectic, but that you really enjoy her company. And, so, if she’s interested, you’d love to "keep hanging out whenever we’re both free and feel like it, without having to feel like terrible people if we’re too consumed with priorities to spend time together." If you make it a team vibe, meaning that both of you are in on the benefits of such a perfectly selfish relationship, there’s no wrong that can be done.

Step Six: The follow up

Last step should require no effort on your part, if the aforementioned five have gone anywhere near according to plan. Repeat the same endeavor as before, hang out at a bar, have a few beers, watch a movie, get laid, share a brief morning, hug and take your leave. So long as you do not take her to dinner or only take her to dinner immediately before getting laid, your friends zone will remain intact. As will your overall life and, most importantly, your sex life.