keep a secret

Going about the right way of keeping a secret from your girlfriend takes unwavering diligence on your part. She’s your girlfriend. She knows you. Better yet, she can probably read your mind–that is, if you’ve been together for a while. It’s a little known fact that when it comes to relationships, and things that have to do with her relationship, a woman is a certified super sleuth. In order to combat these natural abilities you need to bring your ‘A’ game. One slip up in your story, or a piece of random evidence, and you’re done. Follow these guidelines to figure out how to properly keep a secret from your girlfriend.

Alibis No matter what it is, you’re going to need assistance in covering up your secret. If you went to a ballgame without her knowing, if you hit a strip club—hell, if you cheated on your lady and you don’t want her to find out, you’re going to need a few of your closest buddies to help you out. Now don’t choose some snake that wants to get your girlfriend upset with you so he can attempt to slide into your position. And, don’t choose your idiot blabbermouth friend that can’t keep a lid on things when he drinks. Choose one or two buddies that would take a grenade for you, or better yet, guys you have dirt on. These cats will back what ever insane story you come up with.

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Rehearsal. Now, it’s not enough to find two good friends to lie with you. Your collective story has to be airtight enough so your lady can’t tell you’re covering anything up. But, your stories can’t mirror each other exactly, or she’ll know you guys rehearsed it. This requires practice. First, make sure you all have the foundation exactly the same. The “who”, “what” and “when” should all be pretty similar. Be loose on any dialog you may share. Once you guys get everything down, practice the story a few times. It’ll save you an argument or worse, later.

Hiding evidence. If you went to a concert without her, don’t be a buffoon and walk in the house with ticket stubs in your back pocket; don’t leave them lying around in your car. Credit card receipts, phone records, the clothing you wore, all will be subject to thorough investigation if you don’t stay on top of your story and clip all loose ends. Most guys get caught because they aren’t thorough enough. Get rid of all evidence that conflicts with the story you have previously presented her with. Period. Failure to do so will have you under the hot lights like a murder suspect…. And where where you on the night of November 12th?

Stay diligent. Days from now, months…remember your story. Make sure your buddies do to. Women have better memories than elephants. One slip up and she’ll catch you for something you did in the mid 1990s. Tell yourself the same lie you’ve been telling her so much that you’ll start to believe it. It’s the only way to keep a secret from your lady.