By: McLean Robbins

Recently, I’ve been living by the motto “go big or go home.” It has worked on a number of levels, including at the gym. Twice-weekly sessions with a personal trainer and running are slowly transforming my body into a toned, fitter physique.

I’ve also noticed that the gym – at least for some – tends to be a prime pickup spot. There are mirrors everywhere, buddy … I notice you checking out my ass. Staring at it isn’t going to get you my number. But it is going to tell me something about you.

Does Your Exercise Style Work?

You, chubby kid on the elliptical. Do you have an ankle injury? Did you recently undergo a cardiac procedure? No, didn’t think so. You’re not sweating and the sorority girl workout isn’t going to help you lose the beer gut.

Hey you, man on the weight bench. I like your style. That old frat tee, it’s workin’ for ya. But you’re spending a bit too much time checking out the chicks and not nearly enough time doing those bicep curls. You know what that tells me? You lose interest easily and you’re lazy in bed. Next, please.

Oh, runner boy. I’m kind of feeling you – even if it is 70 and sunny outside. Loving that long, lean physique as you lope along on the treadmill. What’s that on your iPod? Don’t Stop Believin’? Mine too! Wait – the Glee version? Shit, should have known you were gay.

What about man candy over there, you ask? Muscle tee with the chain may be getting his GTL on, but we’re not about to hop on your Ed Hardy in the club later. Dude, shirts – they need sleeves.

But you, yes, you – hitting it hard with the sit ups and pull ups. You’re workin’ it, and I like the form. Wanna show me what those hip flexors can do later?

Now, Show Me What You’ve Got

Think it’s time to make your approach? Go ahead. I’m sweaty, but we both will be later. Say ‘excuse me’ as you reach over me to grab an antiseptic wipe and clean off your machine. I like the contentious ones. You’d probably open a door too.

You, on the elliptical. It’s not gonna happen. Stop checking out my ass.

Noticed me in here a lot, you have? Same. We must be on the same work schedule – and since mine involves typing away from home, what are you doing in here at 10 AM every day?  Between jobs, are you? Hmm. Moving on … I have a, um, conference call now.

Between sets? Probably not the best time to chat, but if you’re polite, sure. Am I training for a something? Ha, thanks for the compliment – I’m not, but it’s flattering you think so. I’ll smile, maybe laugh. We’ll share a moment, then move on. 30 seconds later, you’re forgotten.

By far the best move? Catch me on the way out – after I’ve wiped my brow, caught my breath, and headed for the doors. Time your exit. Hey, I’ve seen you in here before, you say. That’s great. Now skip the cool moves and ask for my name – but just remember, I’ll notice how hard you’ve been working when I contemplate whether or not to give you my number. 

McLean is a DC-based luxury lifestyle writer. When she’s not jetsetting around the world to explore the latest spa, hotel or nightclub, she’s cataloging her dating adventures with her bbh (better, blonder half) Kristina over at
MisadventuresofKandM.blogspot.com. Got a question? Hit her up – misadventuresofkandm@gmail.com.