So at long last, Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony have split. We should probably be saddened by this news, but let’s face it, J.Lo’s still hot, and it’s exciting to have her on the market. Or, should we say, on the rebound.
How can you be the guy to help J.Lo or some other newly single beauty out here? As usual, fellas, The Art of Charm is here to shepherd you safely along the path to her bedroom with four tried-and-true tips.
1. Determine Whether She’s Actually on the Rebound.
Is she still in a relationship and just being dramatic? Is this just a temporary tiff or are things really over? She’ll want to be 100 percent sure (as well as reinforce in her own mind) that leaving her guy was the right move (if indeed that was the case). If she’s the one kicked to the curb, she’ll want to prove to herself that he is the one with the issues and not her.
Here’s a quick test. Ask her about the last guy she dated.
One possible reply: “Bah, whatever, the guy wasn’t for me. Anyway, I heard In-N-Out has off-the-menu fries that are the bomb, you in?”
Another is some variation of the following: “I don’t know what his deal is. It’s like one minute I think maybe he’s into me and we’re together, and the next moment I don’t know. It’s so hard to read him and figure out what’s going on in that head of his. I really liked him and I thought he really liked me, but now I’m not so sure. Maybe I should text him and see what he’s up to. Anyway, you hungry?”
It may seem counterintuitive, but answer 2 is the one you want. That’s a girl on the rebound. The first one had a legit breakup and is “over it.”
Tip: Don’t discuss your ex, no matter how tempting it might be to ‘relate’ to her on that issue. She may mention her ex, as above, but don’t take the bait or you’ll just end up being her emotional tampon. Think of Mikey in the first half of Swingers and how that worked out for him.
Remember, you’re so money, and you don’t even know it. The rebound girl is yours to lose, and talking about your ex is the surest way to drop the ball on the 2-yard line.
2. Make Your Move
…And do so quickly! If she’s on the prowl, it’s officially a race to get her attention (and affection). Often, the first guy to make a move will get ‘lucky’ (funny how there’s almost no actual luck involved here). The point is, she’s not being choosy right now, and if you snooze, you lose.
What’s the move, you ask? Start by mirroring her behavior. Basically, if she’s in party-mode ready to do a cowgirl dance on the table, encourage her to let loose.
Then, make sure you press all the right buttons, both physically and psychologically. Give her compliments (this is one case where these won’t come across as needy, especially if they’re delivered correctly). Remember, she’s in need of validation—give it to her.
Then, give it to her. There are entire books and DVD sets on this so we won’t get into it here. Besides, we’re just not that kind of website. That said, if you knock the proverbial bottom outta dat booty, she’ll be back for more in no time.
3. Accept the Fact That You’re the Rebound Guy
In other words, don’t expect a real relationship. There’s just too much baggage there (someone call a bell-hop), and you’ll have to realize you’re merely a Band-Aid for her validation right now and not her next true love, even if this is a girl you’ve been dreaming about since you stopped dreaming about girls instead of Transformers. It’s not really you, it’s mostly just your timing.
Warning: She’ll have little real interest in you other than sex (yes, I know it hurts, but try to stay strong there, slugger). So if this is in fact the girl you’ve been pining for since middle school, do not dive in as the rebound guy. If you do, that’s all you’ll ever be, and when she’s done with you, you’ll no longer be an option for her next real relationship. Rebounds are usually born out of a mucky soup of emotions that aren’t exactly the foundation for a healthy relationship anyway. At best, you’ll just be an awkward ‘friend’ who’s seen her naked. And not just in your head.
4. Know When It’s Over
One solid indicator you’re through is that she ends up back with her boyfriend. Don’t take it personally—women who get dumped by their beaus have a pretty high rate of return. Our advice is just to pass along a few nifty bedroom tricks you discovered while shagging his girlfriend. Of course, those are best delivered with an ear-to-ear grin and a wink.
Last but not least, brace yourself for the inevitable. She’s been hurt (why she’s on the rebound in the first place) and probably doesn’t care if she hurts you as well. So, once she falls off the map and you don’t hear from her for a few days, take the hint. For goodness’ sake, don’t chase her. It’s just pathetic. Now, go tap that lass…
Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach. He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company. If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm team, then visit http://www.theartofcharm.com. You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook.