You see her from across the field. You’re loving how she looks in her knee socks. The problem? She’s not on your co-ed team. She’s on the other co-ed team. It might sound like an insurmountable obstacle, but it’s not. Chatting up your bitter rival at softball, dodgeball or any other sport might come with its own set of challenges, but at the end of the day it’s just about doing the right thing. And guess what: Any guy can do the right thing. Here’s how.

If you lost, ask her (with a big smile)
if she could give you some pointers sometime. It’s OK to laugh at yourself as long as you aren’t 
too self-deprecating.

Approach Immediately
It’s crucial that you approach her quickly and immediately. This shows confidence, which is one of the most important qualities that a man can have. You show confidence by going over to her immediately after the game, or at least at the first chance you get. Hold your head high, keep your shoulders back and don’t be afraid to look her in the eye. A winning smile is another way that you should be showing confidence.

What to Do If You Win
If you won, you’ve already got two strikes against you. Not only are you on the other team, but you’re on the team that just rubbed her nose in the dirt. When you first approach her after the game, offer to help her out with her form. Make sure that you have a big smile on your face—it will mean the difference between a “kidding around” posture and an “arrogant jerk” posture. Feel free to joke around with her a little bit, but don’t rub it in. It’s good to get her laughing and then say something like, “You actually did really well out there.” Making her laugh will both put her at ease and get her attention.

Too bad you can’t play dodgeball against this team.

What to Do If You Lose
If you lost, you might be feeling like you’re missing a bit of your manhood when you approach her. Still, you don’t have to worry about coming across as a conquering plunderer. You can also use the loss to your advantage as a chat up line. For example, rather than offering to help her, ask her—with a big grin on your face—if she’d be willing to give you some pointers sometime. It’s OK to be able to laugh at yourself as long as you aren’t too self-deprecating.

What to Do Either Way
Once you get her laughing, smiling and relaxed, you want to let her know that you’re interested. Something simple like “you seem pretty cool” or “hey, you seem all right” is the best, simplest way to go about it. Then you can talk a bit about the game or the sport in general. After all, you know that it’s a common interest that the two of you share.

Make Your Move… Quickly
Since you’ll both probably be wanting to hit the showers, it’s generally good to keep things brief. Tell her that you want her number so that the two of you can get together sometime. Don’t ask for her number. Just assume that she wants to give it to you and say that you need it. If possible, have your phone already on the screen that adds a contact. Hand her the phone when you tell her that you need her number to get together sometime. While you’re doing that, try and mention a couple of date ideas as she’s giving you her number. Within a couple of weeks, you two might be scoring points on and off the field.


Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach. He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company. If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm team, visit theartofcharm.com. You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook.