It can be difficult for a couple that has just broken up to decide how to separate their friends. The longest relationships, especially marriages, can get especially tricky, since many of the friends you made may have been the result of your involvement as a couple. Separating friends can get even worse if the break up was messy. While the final decision will ultimately lie with the friends themselves, you may have to be more patient than you’d like, especially during such a stressful time.

Stay away from pettiness. Anything you say to your former girlfriend or wife after the break up may wind up as a conversation topic between your ex and your friends. If you handle the situation with respect, you might not even need to separate friends at all.


Think back to how each friendship began. It doesn’t matter how much you like someone. If she was friends with your ex before you started dating, she will likely go back to being friends with just your ex. You can’t win every battle.


Know your place in the break up. The more unscathed member of the couple often hangs on to the most friends. If your ex is seen as a victim, especially if your relationship ended after you cheated, you shouldn’t count on anyone except your closest friends to stick by you. Don’t take it personally if more people side with your ex. It might take some time to get friends to not view you as part of a failed couple.


Talk about things other than your break up with your friends. If you and your ex yammer on in a whiny fashion, your friends might get sick of it and separate from both of you. Your friends are there to help you move on, not just to dwell on the past.


Sit back and let your friends decide for themselves. It will often be apparent who each friend wants to stick by, based on phone calls, visits, or the lack of both. It will also be a good test to see who stands by you during future difficult periods of your life.