So you got her number. Well done. Now what?
Yes, you’ve scored a small victory, but it’s really just the beginning. Hot girls get asked for their numbers all the time, and just as you might not follow up with every girl you meet, they’re not going to respond to every schmo who manages to procure their digits.
But if you read this, she will respond to you. Because I’m going to tell you how to send the perfect first text, move things along, get her jonesing to see you again and make a date. Call it texting for success.
1. Stand Out From the Pack
The first text is like making your first impression all over again. You want to show her that you really are that fun, cool guy she met at the cafe/gym/park/free clinic. Imagine the blah texts she gets every time she doles out her number.
“Hey, how’s your day going?”
You’ve got to be more creative.
“Hey crackerpants! What kind of trouble are you getting into today?”
See the difference? This text works much better for three reasons.
It’s fun and flirty. Nicknames, teasing and creative wording (“bust a move” vs. “dance”) all help her associate positive emotions with you, and having a sense of humor creates a huge amount of attraction.
It engages her emotions. Your texts should rekindle all the feelings of attraction that you created when you first met and got her number. (In later texts, refer back to previous topics, which helps you pick up where you left off and move the relationship along more quickly.)
It compels a response. Being a little offbeat dramatically impacts her reaction. Another good line: “I just figured out what you would be if you were an animal.” If she wants to know the answer, she has to text you back. Few things in life make us more curious than what others think of us.
2. Focus On Moving Forward
Often, guys think things are going well as long as she is responding. This idea stems from the fact that we thrive off the feelings of validation we get when we get attention from the opposite sex.
Unfortunately, just because she isn’t ignoring your messages doesn’t necessarily mean that the relationship is moving forward. There’s a lot of fun to be had texting and flirting with the opposite sex, but ultimately, it’s a means toward an end, which is actually meeting up with the girl.
So here’s the rule: if you’re about to send a text and it isn’t bringing you closer to meeting, do not send it. It’s much better to push forward and fail than to rely on the false hope that if she’s texting you back, you’ve still got a chance with her.
Her willingness to meet up with you is a function of how much attraction and comfort you’ve built with her via text. However, perhaps equally important is the way in which you invite her to get together. It’s always our job as men to get her excited about meeting up again. We’ll cover how to do that on the next page.
3. Plant the Meet-up Seed
To get her thinking about meeting up with you, pepper that possibility into your interactions whenever possible, right from the get-go. Once she’s wrapped her head around the idea of seeing you again, it’s that much more likely to happen.
For example, when she replies to one of your texts with a bit of sass, fire back with:
“How am I supposed to bring you around my friends with that kind of attitude, Ms. Sassy! : )”
As you can see, we’ve thrown together a playful nickname, some emoticons (yep, get used to using them, however lame you think they are), and some playful teasing. These types of texts say all the right things.
Going one step further, plant the seed by asking her a question regarding things that are involved with what you plan to invite her to. And make them sound like such a good time that it would be strange for her not to say ‘yes’.
“Hey Princess Sparkles, do you like tacos, margaritas, good music and great people? : )”
Now, who can say ‘no’ to that? (Hint: if she does, and it’s not for scheduling reasons, she’s just not that into you.)
Again, notice the different fundamentals mentioned above in the example: nicknames, emoticons, teasing and humor. Nailed it.
4. Invite Her Out
You’ve now laid all the groundwork. As I mentioned in my last piece, it’s best to make the first date an activity you’d already planned on doing. This keeps your busy even if she flakes, and also avoids the lame cliché date—“dinner and a movie” or “coffee”—which signals that your last date was just you and your three cats.
So your text should imply that you’re doing it anyway, and it’ll be a lot of fun if she comes along. You’re not carving out some special time to spend with her, just asking her to do something cool. This takes a ton of pressure off both of you.
“Hey boogie monster, some of my friends are headed to a party in the park tomorrow. You should join us! You’re not opposed to having a ridiculously awesome time, are you?”
Get the idea? Now you’re inviting her to become a part of your world. And if you’ve painted the right picture using the fundamentals above, how can she possibly resist?
Best of luck, crackerpants.
Want for more texting tips? The Txt Book offers well over a hundred pages of techniques, troubleshooting, and examples of all the principles in action, taken straight off our phones here at The Art of Charm HQ. Check it out at howtotextgirls.com.
Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach. He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company. If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm team, then visit http://www.theartofcharm.com. You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook.