When you have a serious girlfriend, sadly, it’s not just about the two of you. I hate to paraphrase the Spice Girls, but if you wanna be her lover, you’ve gotta get with her friends. (And not in the sexytime way.) Fortunately, I’m here to help you (almost) charm the pants off those ladies. Just follow these six tips.
If your girl brings you out to introduce you to the gals, don’t be too eager to please. Aim for laid-back and sociable, and let them be the stars of the show.
1. Be supportive
The best way to get on her girlfriends’ hate list is to be the guy who monopolizes her time. Instead, encourage her friendships. Giving her time with her girls not only shows that you aren’t possessive, it also lets you hang with your buddies. I get that at the beginning all you want to do is hang on her every word and sit around naked in the living room, but if you’re in it for the long haul, you don’t need to be together all the time. She’ll be there and so will you. Oh, and this should go without saying: don’t ever make her choose between you and her friends. Because even when you win, you really lose.
2. Hang back
If your girl brings you out to introduce you to the gals, you don’t want to be too eager to please. Aim for laid-back and sociable, and let them be the stars of the show. More Jason Segel, less Dane Cook. You don’t want to appear aloof or like a wallflower, but you don’t need to become best buds with them right away; you just need them to approve of you. You’ll be amazed that the less you say, the more likely this is to happen.
3. Show interest
While you don’t want to monopolize the conversation, you do want to engage her friends on a personal level. So ask them questions and listen to their answers. Pay attention to what they have to say rather than just waiting for your turn to talk. Want to really make an impression? Ask follow-ups on what you talked about the next time you see them. And if your girl is meeting up with one of them, a simple “give Peg my best” will go a long way.
4. Play it straight
There’s nothing wrong with being nice, but whatever you do, don’t be phony. Women can smell fake a mile away. If one of the girls has a problem with you, confront her directly in a friendly manner and try to resolve it. You’ve got a better chance of patching things up that way than if you pussyfoot around.
5. Hook ’em up
Just about every guy gets some kind of cool perk through his work. Whether it’s a discount, free movie passes or 20 bags of M&Ms, pay it forward and her friends will love you. Giving them small gifts will butter them up without making your girlfriend jealous, especially if the implication is that the gift is for her and a date. Trust me, she’ll remember you fondly.
You might have had bad experiences in the past with girlfriends’ friends. This has made you extra cautious about winning their support in the future. But don’t sweat it too much. Your girlfriend and her friends have a lot in common. This means that if she likes you, they will too. Which reminds me, want to know the best way to win over your girlfriend’s friends? Treat her right. That’s all they really want for her anyway.
Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach. He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company. If you want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm team, visit theartofcharm.com. You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook.