Adrian Colesberry, the author of How to Make Love to Adrian Colesberry, wants to make the world a better place by pointing out hot lady sports that appear on your television. So we’ve agreed to let him do that.
The women’s college volleyball season starts soon (late August) and you have to check it out. From this first sentence, the ungenerous reader might be expecting several paragraphs about the obvious virtues of short-shorts and how it would be cool for a woman’s boobs to hover around eye level. And yes, while the person who invented the women‘s volleyball uniform undoubtedly deserves some kind of award, the sport isn’t so great on account of the short shorts (the camera operators are very careful not to give you any butt shots anyhow).
Women’s team volleyball is great for the same reason that pornography is great: the women are always happy. Always. They celebrate after every point. And there’s a point like every minute! The team that’s won the point jumps around and hugs and smiles and laughs and high-fives. And even the losing team is super-upbeat. They comfort their teammates if they miss a dig. (That’s volleyball jargon. You’ll catch on after a game or two.) It’s simply the finest sport ever invented, and its frequent appearance on television is the hands-down greatest result of Title IX.
Look at how happy these women are!
Has a man ever made a woman that happy? Rarely and most men spend their entire adult lives trying to do nothing but. This highlighting of the happiness factor should in no way be interpreted as a perverse attempt to turn these young ladies into eunuchs. They are, as a matter of plain fact, very sexy. To drive that point home, here’s a list of the sexiest things about women’s team volleyball, in no particular order:
1. Before the ball goes into play, the players at the net rest one hand on the small of their backs and make a secret signal. (It’s unclear what these signals mean. You might figure it out if you listed to the commentary but don’t ruin it for yourself. Let the signals retain their sense of mystery.) The one they make the most is an OK sign using their thumb and forefinger, with their middle, ring and pinkie fingers fanned out. Very sexy signal.
2.They are confident; no need to explain why that’s sexy.
3. There’s one short one. She’s called the Libero, which means “free,” a reference to a technicality about substitution rules, which is even more boring than whatever the hand signals actually mean. But wait… On most teams, the short one is super-spunky. It seems to be her job to pep up the tall ones. Hard to say exactly why that’s sexy, but it is. Also, she seems to be kind of telling the tall ones what to do sometimes, which is seriously, very sexy.
4. They’re athletic. For the same reasons that athletic men are sexy, athletic women are sexy.
The season runs from late August, with the championship in December. Don’t miss it.