Sometimes I drink too much. I do it because it helps me meet girls. Inevitably though, something always goes wrong.

I was having a great time with these older ladies but as usual, the ugly one can’t hold her liquor

It turns out that the issue of the school girls you met at the party being underage may not be the biggest problem you have.

I knew things got wild last night but I had no idea someone was going to lose a limb. Looks like I’ll just have to build her one of those leg guns and teach her to fight.

I should have known she wasn’t that hot when Quagmire took a pass on her

Last night she looked fit. This morning I woke up next to Brian Urlacher