How does the groom feel about strip clubs?
1. They make him sad
2. They make him feel nothing inside, just like the women who work there
3. He gets turned on when he hears any song by Pink
4. He is at one right now
Do the groom’s and bride’s friends get along?
1. We’re all best friends from college/high school/whatever
2. Everyone gets along well
3. They don’t HATE each other
4. They hate each other
What is the goal of your bachelor party?
1. Just want to have fun
2. Just want to have fun with my boys
3. Want to see another woman’s breasts in real life one more time
4, Want to hear at least 75 dead hooker jokes in one weekend
How do you get along with your fiancée?
1. We are best friends
2. No complaints
3. I am FAIRLY confident this will be my only marriage
4. We often call each other by first, middle and last name through gritted teeth in everyday conversations
How well do you get along with your fiancée’s friends?
1. They’re now my friends
2. They are not annoying
3. Why is she friends with so many women she does not like?
4. They’re vicious harpies who should all die alone surrounded by cats
Have you sowed your oats?
1. Yes, even the Quaker Oats guy is like, “Damn, you sowed a lot of oats”
2. There were some oats and they were sowed
3. I believe in a look-and-look-and-look-but-don’t-touch policy
4. Mad Men is a documentary, right?
What are your thoughts on stopping whatever you are doing every three minutes to get your photo taken with 14 women?
1. I am quite used to this, because I am now engaged and as a result I am photographed more often than Iran’s uranium-enrichment facilities
2. I am not opposed to it
3. I might make faces
4. I will make faces
Are you OK with drinking bland light beer purchased by well-meaning women all night?
1. Yes, I prefer it
2. I go with the flow
3. I guess I’ll pay for my own drinks
4. I am prepared to compromise on many marital issues, but not this
Which one of these celebrities is your best man most like?
1. Bill Gates
2. Donald Glover
3. Jon Hamm
4. Charlie Sheen
Finish this sentence. What happens in Vegas…
1. Will be posted on Facebook as it’s happening
2. Will probably involve me at a buffet
3. Stays in Vegas
4. Gets buried in a shallow desert grave outside of Las Vegas
Do it, but only if you’re really into her and have a laid-back best man. If you have any major reservations, then go your separate ways.
30 points or more
Go to Vegas with your buddies. My buddy Joe will go with you.