Is this not the most inaccurate magazine headline ever? I suggest Dick Fuld, the Lehman CEO, go hold it up on Wall Street next week in a bizarro “Dewey defeats Truman“-style celebration.

Fuld, who was unable to negotiate a sale of his company this past weekend and was forced to turn to Chapter 11 in the book of capitalism, has been off the grid all week. I’m actually really surprised he was able to go so completely undetected for so long amid all this turmoil. Shouldn’t they have Wall Street paparazzi or something?!

But yesterday he stepped out his shell metaphorically and sent off ‘an apology memo’ to all his attractive and now unemployed coworkers ‘internally’.

I’m not sure how he distributed said memo since all of them sexily packed their boxes and fled. And guess what? He feels really ‘horrible’ about the whole thing. I think he might have even said ‘Sowwies, my bad’, but let’s take a look at the full Bloomberg report to make sure:

“The past several months have been extraordinarily challenging, culminating in our bankruptcy filing,” Fuld wrote in a memo distributed internally yesterday. “This has been very painful on all of you, both personally and financially. For this, I feel horrible.”

And that was pretty much it. Nothing too emotional or consoling at all. I bet all the Lehmanites are saying ‘thanks for nothing’ right now.

Dickie, whose arrogance and ineffectiveness many blame for the lack of dealmaking over the weekend, won’t be skating into oblivion with some great winnings. He actually appears to have gotten sufficiently screwed for effing up his once proud company so bad.

Fuld’s shares of the company were worth over $247 million a year ago, but since the bankruptcy filing, he was only able to sell them off for less than $500,000. Ouch.

He still holds something like $503,000 shares, but it doesn’t look they are going to be worth any more than 16 cents each anytime soon.

Bloomberg: Fuld tell employees he feels horrible for their pain, September 17, 2008