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“Casual sex” has become a bit of a dirty phrase in our culture. Rather than just call it what it is, people use euphemisms like “hooking up” or, even worse, “hanging out.” Somehow, sleeping with people you aren’t necessarily committed to gets a bad rap, as do those who indulge in it. But give us a moment to debunk the myths surrounding casual sex, and you might just see it as a far cooler option than you did before. Bonus: if you’re already on board, you’ll have some facts for any girl who presumes to judge—while secretly wanting to sleep with—you.

Myth #1: Casual Sex Spreads Disease
Casual sex doesn’t spread disease. Unprotected sex spreads disease. While there’s always a risk to sex, protected casual sex is undoubtedly a smarter option than unprotected committed sex. Truth is, until you get to really know a girl, you should wear a condom, whether you happen to be calling her your girlfriend or not.

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In the 21st Century, enlightened human beings realize that women have sexual needs too. A woman who is open about her love of sex, and empowered by it, deserves respect, not a reputation.

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Myth #2: Casual Sex Demeans Women
Says who? Probably people who still think there’s something wrong with women enjoying sex with multiple guys. That attitude went out with Elvis, or should have. In the 21st Century, enlightened human beings realize that women have sexual needs too. A woman who is open about her love of sex, and empowered by it, deserves respect, not a reputation.

Myth #3: Sex Between Committed People Is Better
Sometimes. Maybe. But not always. For those not paying attention to popular culture, there’s an entire cottage industry of comedy built around the idea that married people have terrible sex, when they have sex at all. And this myth draws largely from the next myth…

Myth #4: Casual Sex Is Emotionless
Hardly. “Casual sex” and “having sex with a string of partners whose names you don’t even know” are not the same thing. You can have casual sex with one of your best friends, or someone you really enjoy spending time with. The point is that you aren’t committed to or exclusive with one another. You are free to pursue other people without having to explain or excuse yourself (or lie about it to spare feelings). The sex can still have a lot of emotion to it, as can your relationship (small “r”) with the person. Further, this myth assumes that committed people are having emotion-filled sex. Which is not always the case. (See Myth #3.)


“Baby, I am totally committed… to sleeping with you right now.”

Myth #5: Casual Sex Is “Wrong”
Casual sex can be “wrong,” especially in cases where it’s self-centered, abusive, compulsive or fueled by substance abuse. But if it’s healthy, consensual and mutually beneficial, what, exactly, is wrong with it? With a willing and able partner, it can be fun, exciting and oh so right…


Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach.  He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company.  If you dig this and want more from Jordan and The Art of Charm team, visit theartofcharm.com.  You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook.