Every once in a while. And when it rains, it pours. It’s a bummer. But besides ending softball games and weekend barbecues, rain has the distinct honor of being able to ruin the sweetest of jackets and the most time-consuming of coifs, rendering you, the unlucky sap who got stuck in the downpour, helpless against looking like a hobo who just woke up in an irrigation ditch. Make today’s thunderstorm the last one you ever allow to make a mockery out of you with a few wet-weather essentials.
Every man needs a good rain coat. And, if you take some time to find a quality garment, then you probably won’t need to buy another one until the invention of titanium rainsuits, at which point you’ll probably be too old to go outside anyway. You can’t go wrong with a classic trench in black, brown or tan; look for something with a slim fit that doesn’t have to be belted (wear the belt loose or tied behind you), as well as a lining if you’re planning to be anywhere besides Hawaii or Southern California. And forget your prejudice against popped collars; the collars on trenches are designed to be popped in back to protect your delicate neckmeat from the big, bad rainstorm.
Burberry, Dolce & Gabbana and even J. Crew have excellent options, but if you’re on more of a Miller Lite budget, you can check out the latest styles from big fashion websites and get some inspiration to take with you to Ebay or your favorite discount site. If you’re more of a casual John, then don’t resort to the free poncho you got at the Phillies game. Instead, just look for something with fewer moving parts (lapels, belts, etc) like the “Mac” from A.P.C. or the Mackintosh coat from J. Crew, a delightfully simple and streamlined contraption that only involves three buttons. It’s so easy, even a well-dressed caveman could operate it. Double-breasted Trench Coat, Burberry.com
Need we remind you of the importance of quality footwear? One would hope not. But just because you got yourself to the cobbler and kicked your kick collection up a notch doesn’t mean you can forsake one of the most important rain gear staples: the waterproof boot. From Wellies to galoshes, good waterproof shoes (like work boots from Clarks) keep your feet warm and dry, the importance of which we all should have learned from Forrest Gump and his adventures in ‘Nam. You can also keep it simple with a classic like the Hunter rain boot, a tried-and-true staple for wet climates since before rain was even invented.
>Before you get nervous, we’re not talking about a glorified rain bonnet a la Paddington Bear, but when the rain starts to pour, you would be well advised to have a stylin’ piece of head gear on hand. Not only will it complement your bitchin’ rain coat (see above, should you have no short-term memory), but it will also cement the fact that you’re a Man among countless be-hoodied boys (who will no doubt catch their death in this weather). Any type of hat, from bucket to fedora, will do; just look for something with a small-ish brim that doesn’t dwarf your head. You want to look pleasantly mysterious when you seek shelter in a crowded bar, not like you’re playing dress-up in your dad’s duds.
Of all the ways you can guard against a rain beatdown, the umbrella is probably the most obvious, and also probably the thing you already own. But have you considered encasing yourself in a full-on rainpod? Well, don’t. It’s not practical, and you run the risk of being laughed off the street (or, conversely, hailed as a style visionary and given your own show on WE Entertainment for Women, which doesn’t necessarily sound like a better alternative). Just get yourself a decent umbrella that isn’t broken, doesn’t attach to your body in any way and didn’t come from a street vendor. Totes makes excellent automatic umbrellas that are small enough to fit in your briefcase or manbag, and stores like Sharper Image and Brookstone always have umbrella-style gadgets that double as microphones or UFO detectors or fun things like that. In fact, you should get a few extra ‘brellas to stash in your desk drawer or car, because you never know when you’ll run into a downpour… or an errant alien spacecraft.