In the market for a pet, but a dog is just too much responsibility for the moment? How about a frog? Okay, if you’re reading this, you’re probably not an eleven year old boy. We understand. You’re past your prime frog-as-an-acceptable-pet years.
However, what if we told you your frog would be living and training with Jedi Master Yoda on Dagobah just as Luke Skywalker did in "Empire Strikes Back?" If you’re a dude and you had a childhood, suddenly this sounds awesome to you. Introducing the Dagobah Frog Habitat. Send in the order form, and get one of these babies complete with your own little JedI-in-training tadpole (we suggest naming him Tadawan). Young Tadawan’s aquarium looks exactly like Yoda’s home in the swamps of Dagobah, complete with fallen X-Wing in the water and a figure of Yoda himself. This beats the hell out of an old Miracle Whip jar with a leaf and an acorn in it. Watch your tadpole grow into a strong Jedi frog. You’ll know his training is complete when he’s running around his aquarium doing backflips with Yoda on his back while across the room his Frog Food is inexplicably floating towards the feeding hatch. The Dagobah Frog Habitat is $39.99 and you can find it here.
The people at ThinkGeek have done the research, and the results are not surprising. Life is just not as interesting as the movies. But what’s surprising is it isn’t due to bland story lines. It’s the lack of a soundtrack.
How cool would it be to have dramatic music play during your dramatic life moments, intense music for all those crazy action sequences you find yourself in (especially if Michael Bay is directing your life)? They took up the cause and have come up with an incredible solution: the Personal Soundtrack Shirt. The shirt has a working speaker in its center to play the right music at the right time. Sneaking out of work early on a Friday? Press the button on the pocketable remote that corresponds to some James Bond music, and suddenly you’re the lead in the movie of your life. Prepping to confront one of your mortal enemies? Western showdown music is provided. And you don’t have to go with ThinkGeek’s choices. Load up your own songs and sound effects (up to 20 at a time) and you’re good to go. The Personal Soundtrack Shirt is $29.99 and can be bought here.
There’s not a lot of things in the world more infuriating than walking in a parking lot and finding your car A) blocked in, B) so close to another car only T-1000 from Terminator 2 could slip in, or C) not there.
We can’t help with the last one. But the other two now have a solution that does not involve your keys and somebody paying for a new paint job. The answer to all idiotic park-jobs can be found in this book of parking tickets. Express your exact thoughts to the people while avoiding face-to-face confrontation. Assuming the person isn’t blind (judging by the way they left their car that is a distinct possibility) they will return to their vehicle to see your ticket. And you will have won the day. Such gems as “Did you park like this or was there an earthquake?”, “This parking job violates the law. Of physics,” and “Parking isn’t your thing. Stick to drive-thrus.” They’ll get the point, and without you karate kicking their bumper off. And maybe they’ll think twice about how they park in the future. This book of parking tickets is only $7 and can be purchased here.
If you’ve spent more time trying to edit down that 140-character tweet than you’ve spent writing eight- page term papers, maybe Twitter isn’t the best way for you to get your thoughts out there.
You prefer to use “you” instead of “u”, “too” instead of “2”, and to copy entire links, not their tiny urls, but it seems twitter is forcing us all to dumb it down. Enter a site called woofertime.com to pick up the slack. On Woofertime, an “homage to twitter,” people are posting much longer, more thorough tweets called “woofs, ” which instead of a 140character maximum, allow for 1400 character MINIMUM. The only time you worry about “characters” on woofertime is if you’re unsure your protagonist is three-dimensional enough. Scanning the homepage of woofertime.com, you’ll see some popular woofs beginning with “1:1 In the beginning,” “It was the best of times,” and “Call me Ishmael.”
After a hard day at work, all you want to do is kick your heels up, throw on some soothing tunes, and relax. And your lady friend’s inability to suck it up and rub you down is severely hindering the realization of this dream.
Well, who needs her? You sure won’t when you have the Music Chocolate Ottoman. This is not your grandma’s ottoman (never thought we‘d say that). Actually, this is about as cool as an ottoman can and will ever get. Not only does it play your favorite music when you plug in your MP3 player, but it uses the bass from the song playing to give a vibrating massage to the beat. Grab a beer and you’re well on your way to achieving maximum relaxation. You can also do away with clunky speaker systems screwing with the “feng shui” of your room; your speakers are coming from the furniture itself. It’s a space saver if you don’t have a lot of space already. If only you could get this ottoman to cook you dinner. It will be available after it’s debut at 100% Design London at the end of this month.
If MacGyver had one of these guys, the show would have been a lot less interesting. The Cicada LED Knife is everything you’ll need in a sticky situation… and it fits in the palm of your hand.
The Cicada (which thankfully does not make that annoying noise like its insect namesake) comes equipped with the tools you need to make your day to day life run a little smoother. Like, let’s say you’re diffusing a bomb., for instance, and you must cut one wire in a forest of impossibly thin ones to save your life. The Cicada has a pair of precision scissors to get the job done. But, wait. The bomb is still ticking. There’s a thicker wire in the back you’ll have to hack through. Typical, right? Luckily, The Cicada supplies a razor sharp high carbon steel pen knife blade that should do the trick. Now you just have to get out of the pitch dark abandoned warehouse you randomly stumbled upon the bomb in and you‘re all set. The LED flashlight fixes that. Finally, you’re out of harms way and your buddy hands you a beer, only for you to discover… it’s not a twist cap! Breathe a sigh of relief. Cicada’s got you covered with its convenient bottle opener. All in a day’s work.
You thought shooting those ducks on your TV screen were hard? They were confined to flying around in a 47” screen. If you want a real challenge, then you need to get yourself Live Action Duck Hunt.
Just pick up your gun, charge the duck on it for ten seconds, then send it off. The duck actually flies in erratic motions making it tricky to hit, just like in the game. Except this time there’s no annoying dog that laughs at you as you futilely try to shoot it in the skull, and you can’t just press the gun against the glass screen and pull the trigger repeatedly until you hit something. The infrared gun, which has a 20’ range, makes a loading sound with each pump and sends a signal to the duck each time it is hit. On the first two hits, the duck will momentarily stop flapping its wings. The third hit is the death blow. This is the closest thing to real hunting without actually killing something. But unlike real hunting, you can just pick up the dead duck, re-charge it, and the fun can start all over again. The Live Action Duck Hunt is $29.95 and can be bought here.
Don’t be a chump that rolls over and passes out; gear up for round two. The afterglow massage kit is an investment in future after glows. Rub your woman down, and she’ll certainly be happy to return the favor.
JimmyJane now has a solution to the afterglow massage that keeps any feminine oils and dubious-looking vibrating massagers far, far from your bedside. Cleverly and cleanly molded to fit one another (like you and your lady), these white massage stones are made to get the job done.
They’re paired with the multifunction candle that, upon melting, becomes a cosmetic-grade wax and low-viscosity massage oil for use with the stones. Technique becomes an afterthought at this point, as the JimmyJane massage kit takes care of all the afterplay to set up round two. You just sit back, relax, and remember to stay hydrated (nsfw). Buy the massage kit here for $45.
If you’re up on the gaming world, you’ve been counting down to this day for months. Halo 3: ODST, the fourth Halo game by Bungie, is out today for Xbox 360.
So call in sick, and notify your girlfriend you‘ll be physically, mentally, and emotionally unavailable for the next few days. Stack up some sustenance within arm’s reach of that comfy chair. It’s game time.
The new game branches off a tad from the tradition of previous Halo games. ODST (standing for Orbital Drop Shock Troopers, which is as badass as it sounds) is an expansion, which takes place in the time leading up to the events of Halo 3. The entire game is first-person, but you don’t play through the eyes of series regular Master Chief (not to be confused with Bobby Flay, Master Chef, although that would be interesting). You play as Rookie and rotate among his team of Shock Troopers, and hence, it requires more stealth as opposed to straight-up Rambo tactics that got you this far. Halo 3: ODST is out now, and goes for $59.99.
One of the greatest places on the web to find sweet deals (you know, besides Made Mail), and definitely the creator of one of the most bad-ass domain names, is whiskeymilitia.com.
No, they do not have deals on whiskey or other liquors. No, they do not sell military apparel. But they are running quite the tight operation over there, offering marked-down deals for awesome products at an insane pace. Most of the products featured are clothing, but they have also offered deals on shoes, sunglasses, headphones, snowboards, skateboards, and backpacks.
Here’s how it works. Each product is up on the site for sale for a limited time only–until it is sold out. And they sell out quickly, so you’re going to need to keep up. How? Whiskey Militia offers a number of different alerts, from a Firefox plugin, an RSS Feed, or even through Instant Message. Just remember who told you about it in the first place.
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