Looking for the perfect gift for your brazen, hard-running, no-guff-taking, friend who knows his ABC’s?  Well, friend, we’ve got the perfect, unapologetically masculine pants-busting thing.  The Brass Balls Kit. 

Honestly, we can’t put it much better than it’s put in the product description:

You don’t need a semiotician to know that these bad boys are full of meaning. As a token of esteem, they have a purity that makes other gift attempts look weak. Gleaming atop your desk at work, these totems of potency dare people to acknowledge their presence with a calibrated test-blend of serious appreciation and ironic distance— and woe be to anyone who calibrates incorrectly. Everyone will want to touch the brass balls, feel their impressive weight, their uncompromising hardness. They are the family jewels.

You may recognized them from either of the two scenes below – Alec Baldwin in “Glengarry Glen Ross” or Stephen Colbert distributing his Brass Balls Award.  But, like most gifts worth giving, you brass balls will have a unique value and meaning to the lucky fella who has them swingin’ from his…well, wherever the hell he wants. Included in the kit are 1.5 inch diameter brass balls, tapped blindly with .25-20 thread, to .25-20 set screws, length of 3mm nylon satin cord, epoxy.  They easily assemble in one to two minutes, so get them for $18 plus shipping.

The Colbert Report Mon – Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Big Brass Balls Award
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Fox News