Setting out to maintain a long distance relationship may sound as plausible as playing sports with someone on life support, but if we know anything it’s that nothing’s impossible. This essentially means that, despite the odds and horror stories, the distance and depressive lack of physical expression, there remains a way for romances to survive unfortunate, suddenly-forced separation. If you’ve considered the option of chickening out and calling it quits, but still cannot manage to make do with losing your lovely lady, it’s time to suck it up and try your best at having a long distance relationship.
The First Talk
If you are the partner in the relationship who must temporarily leave your present location, you’ll need to plan the good old first talk. The good old first talk is the conversation which takes place as soon as you work up the gumption to tell your woman you must wander off for a while. As soon as you receive information of your trip’s deal (i.e. the dates, underlying reason, and situation of accommodation), it’s your responsibility to bring it up. Of course, it may be a good idea to wait until everything is settled and certain, but it should happen earlier rather than later. The dynamic of this conversation between the two of you will set the tone for your trip, which means you want to be both careful and confident. First things first, before you launch into the specifics of the trip, tell her that you love her. Plan to remain faithful and tell her you’ll remain in constant communication. However emotional your partner may become (be prepared for this – it’s quite probable), the important thing is that you display your commitment to sticking it out. A good way to do that is show up with a gift in hand designed to ease the burden of long distance. Something like this USB mixtape which will allow the two of you to always have something to send one another.
Prior To Leaving
The worst thing a couple can possibly do before an impending trip is talk sadly, sentimentally and sourly about the upcoming distance. Try your best to continue the relationship as you would if you weren’t leaving. By desperately reinforcing the fact of your departure, you are only creating an underlying anxiety between both of you that this week or month will be your last together. "Don’t dwell on your distance," should be your mantra.
The best thing a couple can do is have fun (duh). This means embarking on interesting outings together, such as bicycle rides, lengthy park walks, beach days, zoo trips, theatre going, etc., etc., etc. This will affirm your relationship’s healthy, exciting and youthful feeling, which encourages both partners to buck up and do their best not to worry about the weight and strain of something as tedious as time apart.
Once you and your partner have been divided by state borders and/or vast seas, the real work begins. Without open and honest communication, your long distance relationship is doomed. If you and your partner fail to figure out a way in which to maintain contact (without annoying each other), you will have grown so distant by the time you return that your relationship will only be salvageable only by starting from scratch. To avoid this, do your best to include your partner on the bits and pieces of your day, sights you’ve seen and new people you’ve met. See an interesting person that looked just like their dog? Remind her of the time you guys spent all afternoon picking out similar pairs. Remenber, don’t dwell on the distance.
Send interesting pictures messages from your day-to-day, so that the honey back home will feel a part of your current environment, write occasional letters to switch up the standard email medium, and your sweetheart will feel assured you have not forgotten her. If you’re feeling saucy, you can even send some interesting picture messages from your evenings. The occasional flowery delivery (entirely random and surprising) will also do wonders. Of course, in every relationship, there are certain truths better left unsaid. (I.E. Your female colleague invited you out for drinks. It was entirely platonic, but your partner envies her…Don’t say nuthin’). In this situation, use your best judgement to omit information you feel will senselessly worry or hurt your partner while simultaneously avoiding being sneaky. Besides, if the lie’s motivation is pro-relationship not pro-girls-on-the-side, the odds are you won’t get caught. Via Newswise:
"There’s good scientific evidence that it is very difficult for even trained professionals to detect deception," Rowatt says. "Most people have a truth-bias that works against thinking a spouse could lie or cheat. Unfortunately, without verification, it’s very difficult to tell when a person is lying, especially the sociopaths."
Do’s And Dont’s of Visitation
If the long distance episode spans a considerable amount of time and you and your partner have decided to split up the months with interspersed visits, you are privileged…and endangered. Perhaps endangered is too strong a word, but the point is – oftentimes partners appear in their partners’ new surroundings and simply do not mesh. For example, if your girlfriend plans to visit you, make sure she arrives during a week when you will have ample time to tend to her, to romance her and to revitalize what’s been lacking (ahem, yes that). If you are certain that to have your girlfriend come barging into your new world will create pain on all sides, make an excuse to go back home. If you are incapable of returning home and still refuse to acommodate your lady, you might want to think about whether or not you are still eager enough to see her (i.e. whether or not you are still in love with her). Most importantly, even if it is a fib, make your girlfriend feel welcome to come visit you at any moment. She most likely won’t, but the open invitation alone will reassure her that you aren’t running around with some broad-busted blonde. (Don’t do this).
It is well known that people who cannot touch, cuddle or grasp whatsoever a tangible type of love descend into patterns of hellish boundary pushing, verbal violence and plain, unimportant bickering in order to feel close. Psycho as it sounds, all people do this at one point or another – most commonly during forced time apart. Moreover, for all their popularity and convenience, cell phones are horribly cold, disconnected and confusing devices by which to remain emotionally intimate while traveling. They absolutely lend themselves to argument-starters, as you cannot see the person and, therefore, lose the ability to speak as sincerely as you might face to face. For this reason, try to limit your phone calls. Either have two short phone calls and/or various text messages/emails throughout the day or one longer phone call at night. By holding up some kind of telecommunication routine that is hand-tailored to both you and your partner’s needs (needs for love, reassurance, information, upkeep, etc), you have a better chance of avoiding absolutely senseless arguments that manage to blow up and break couples apart every day.
Compensation for Physical Contact
We must start by saying – there is no real compensation for physical contact. What ultimately makes a long distance relationship difficult is the inability to stand before your significant other and kiss them, talk with them, lay with them, make love to them. Human beings need physical contact and relationships need sex. Nothing negates this or replaces it. However, that much being said, there are tricks of the mind and methods of remaining interconnected semi-sexually while separated (at least enough so that a dedicated person can avoid doing something regrettable). Now that skype and video chats exist, many long distance relationships are aided by the ability to see their loved one despite a long distance. Of course, there is no touch involved, but there is something about seeing your partner’s movements, reactions and expressions while you hear them that soothes.
Many couple revert to cyber/cellular sex during times of elongated disconnection and this seems to work for those who are willing. If, however, your partner is unwilling to go such lengths, it is still important to candidly express your desire for their flesh, whether verbally or through written word. Something as simple and low key as “I want you,” or “I miss touching you,” or “I wish I could be beside you,” is more than okay. Ultimately, it’s just incredibly important for both partners to feel that they are not being forgotten, that they are still desired, however distanced, and that they don’t feel embarrassed in blurting this out. Blurt out every last bit of affection you can muster – it is the main ingredient in preserving a relationship’s closeness until the point you can both piece things back together.