10 Amateur BDSM Tips

If you're new to the world of bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadomasochism, you are probably full of questions about 10 amateur BDsM tips. According to sex researcher Briana O'Dowd, for as long as there's been punishment, there have been those who found it arousing and even pleasurable. As you venture closer to coming out of the BDsM closet, take your time and follow the advice of those who have gone before you.

  1. ConsentThe first rule of BDsM is everything must occur between willing participants. It's easy to look in on BDsM from the outside and assume the games are real. The feelings created by BDsM games are very real, but in true BDsM, everything happens with safety and consent at the center. 

  2. Fantasy first. BDsM is all about setting a scene. Much of the payoff of a scene is in your mind. When exploring amateur BDsM, you may want to begin by talking and writing about your fantasies. You can watch pornographic or instructional movies to further explore your likes and dislikes.

  3. Role Play. When you feel comfortable going deeper, you can begin to explore role-play and acting out your fantasies with a partner.

  4. Communicate. In order to keep the scene safe and pleasurable, everyone involved must know what is desired and expected. Make a list of your fantasies and share it with your partner(s). Include on this list things you would like to try, things you might be willing to explore someday, and things you definitely do not want to do.

  5. Use a safe word. When you negotiate a scene, reiterate this list and include a safe word you can say to bring everything to a stop. John Warren, Ph.D. gives these guidelines based on traffic signals in his book, "The Loving Dominant": a cry of "yellow" means the scene needs to pause and be renegotiated. At a cry of "red," every scene in the room comes to a halt and aid is given to those who need it.

  6. Take it on the road. It can be fun and rewarding to take the scene outside of your home. Showing a conservative display of power, displaying marks for everyone to see, or wearing a collar are some ways to play in public. Sharing power games in this way can be very intimate, like a beautiful secret only you share. 

  7. Go slow. Whips are given so much emphasis in pop culture that most people forget hickeys and blindfolds are part of BDsM, as well. BDsM is about affecting sensation and about a power exchange. Play with any aspect of it that appeals to you and forget trying to "get it right" for now. 

  8. Try what feels good. Here is a list of introductory things to try that fall within the realm of amateur BDsM: holding your partner down, biting, role-playing, holding your breath, food play, giving orders, being blindfolded, using ice or heat, tickling, using restraints and using sex toys.

  9. Use your mind. You may have already tried many of these things without knowing they were part of BDsM. Trying them with an awareness of possibility and meaning is even more fun and worthwhile.

  10. Use your voice. Don't be afraid to stop, change or re-begin. The most powerful person in BDsM is the one who says, "enough."

 

 

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