10 Best Comedic Movie Monologues

The 10 best comedic movie monologues ever are revealing little speeches where the hero lets you know his flaws, desires, dreams and disappointments. 

  1. "Caddyshack." Groundskeeper Carl Spackler (Bill Murray) tells a frightened caddy about his experience caddying for the Dalai Lama in Tibet, in one of the funniest scenes in the movie. Sample: "So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one – big hitter, the Lama."
  2. "Arthur."  Arthur (Dudley Moore) delivers a sad, yet wonderfully funny monologue about why there won't be a wedding to the assembled guests. Sample: "The bride has had second thoughts… and has decided not to marry me… Most of you know me, can you blame her?"
  3. "Animal House."  Bluto (John Belushi) gets his frat brothers to take up arms against their oppressors at Faber College in one of the classic movie monologues of all time. Sample: "Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no. And it ain't over now."
  4. "Austin Powers." Participaing in group therapy, Dr. Evil (Mike Myers) shares some childhood memories in a hysterical monologue, much of which focused on his father. Sample: "Some times he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy, the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament."
  5. "Talledega Nights." Race driver Ricky Bobby (Will Ferrell) goes through an extended and hilarious grace scene where the nature of Jesus is debated. Sample: "Dear Lord baby Jesus, lyin' there in your ghost manger, just lookin' at your Baby Einstein developmental videos, learnin' 'bout shapes and colors."
  6. "Roxanne." A modern-day Cyrano (Steve Martin, who also wrote the script) tries to come up with 20 put-downs about his very big nose and delivers one of the great comedic movie monologues ever. Sample: "Laugh and the world laughs with you. Sneeze, and it's good-bye Seattle."
  7. "Moonstruck." Ronny (Nicholas Cage) tells Loretta (Cher) that love isn't the way it's described in the storybooks during a pivotal scene in this brilliantly written movie. Sample: "We are here to ruin ourselves and to break our hearts and love the wrong people and die."
  8. "High Fidelity." In one of several funny, yet touching monologues about relationships, record store owner Rob (John Cusack) counts down the top five things he misses about his ex-girlfriend Laura. Sample: "And five; she does this thing in bed when she can't get to sleep, she kinda half moans and then rubs her feet together an equal number of times… it just kills me. Believe me, I mean, I could do a top five things about her that drive me crazy but it's just your garden variety women you know, schizo stuff and that's the kind of thing that got me here."
  9. "Blazing Saddles." The Waco Kid (Gene Wilder) explains why he gave up gunfighting for booze in a movie monologue only Mel Brooks could write and Gene Wilder perform so perfectly. Sample: "Then one day, I was just walking down the street, and I heard a voice behind me say, 'Reach for it Mister!' I spun around and there I was face to face with a six-year-old kid. Well I just threw my guns down and walked away….little bastard shot me in the ass. So I limped to the nearest saloon, crawled into a whiskey bottle, and I've been there ever since."
  10. "Time Bandits." In this odd, but very funny film, the embodiment of Evil (David Warner) dismisses the efforts of the Supreme Being. Sample: "He knows nothing of the potential of the microchip or the silicon revolution. Look how he spends his time! Forty-three species of parrot! Nipples for men! Slugs!"
show comments

What Others Are Reading Right Now.