10 Best John Mayer Quotes

When considering the 10 best John Mayer quotes, "best" means what is most entertaining. That's because familiar John Mayer quotes oftentimes bring out the worst in the man. He may be popular, and might be a fine musician, but he opens his big mouth before he thinks far too often.

  1. "I don't think I open myself to it. My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I've got a Benetton heart and a fuckin' David Duke cock. I'm going to start dating separately from my dick." The problems with this statement are just too many to mention. First off, a man should never talk about his "member" in public. Secondly, there is no way to positively compare oneself to a white supremacist, like David Duke.
  2. "Sometimes I wish that I was the weather, you'd bring me up in conversation forever. And when it rained, I'd be the talk of the day." Granted, stars have huge egos. But wanting to be the weather? That's one storm nobody needs.
  3. "Sexually it was crazy. That's all I'll say," he answered. "It was like napalm, sexual napalm." Comparing sex to Vietnam is almost as bad as putting it in terms of racial relations. It's easily a close second.
  4. "I am the new generation of masturbator, I've seen it all. Before I make coffee, I've seen more butt holes than a proctologist does in a week…" Yikes, now he's mixing sex talk with his breakfast! Does this man have any tact?
  5. "My biggest dream is to write pornography." Umm…
  6. "I have male fans, but I'm persuading them to become female!" Why, so he can imagine them naked, too?
  7. "Just listen to the song, bitch!" Well, this tells you all you need to know about the way Mayer feels about his audience.
  8. "I'm sort of a half-chick…I can insert a tampon." TMI, John! Stick to playing the guitar.
  9. "High school is like a spork: it's a crappy spoon and a crappy fork, so in the end it's just plain useless." He didn't learn much in school, but chances are great he really loved his fast food job at 16.
  10. "Numb is the new deep, done with the old me, and talk is the same cheap it's been." Mayer's "New Deep" lyrics sum up how sleeping through high school can cause permanent damage.

Don't quote him on these, or anything he says, for that matter.