10 Best Straight Male Porn Stars Ever

Pinpointing the ten best straight male porn stars is difficult; enough woodmen are ‘gay for pay’ that you can never be sure. Others are bi or gay, but prefer snapper on film. After a good deal of snooping and a box of tissues, here are the ten best straight male porn stars.

  1. John Holmes. In the gossip circles of Poonville, Holmes is infamous for stuffing over a foot of stupendously girthed tube steak into more than 3000 meat envelopes. A mainstay of porn’s Golden Age, Holmes is best eulogized by porn cinematographer Bob Vosse: “John Holmes was to the adult film industry what Elvis was to rock ‘n’ roll…The King”.
  2. Ron Jeremy. What’s up with Ron Jeremy? He’s ugly, balding, fat, and mustachioed. His pork sword isn’t very big, and he looks like the bastard child of Howard Stern and Nintendo’s Mario. He doesn’t even bother taking his shirt off these days. But Jeremy inspires hope. If this short, portly cornball can tap that much whim wham, anyone can. Jeremy is the Obama of porn, leading the common people chanting “Yes We Can”.
  3. Sean Michaels. The first African American porn superstar, Michaels is known for interracial scenes, having fired the 10-inch yogurt gun into Rebecca Bardoux, Tami Monroe, and others. Former nurse Michaels has acting training, which makes him a stand out, and one of the ten best straight male porn stars.
  4. Lexington Steele. Lex’s meat missile is darker than midnight. One of the best straight male porn stars, Steele’s 11+ inches won him AVN Best Male Performer award three times. His divine minaret has laid waste to a slew of dripping honey pots, from ass bandit Katsumi to lactose factory Vanessa Blue. The former stockbroker indulged a racial fantasy as Othello in Shakespeare adaptation “Hotel O”, by killing Iago.
  5. Rocco Siffredi. AVN Hall of Fame inductee Rocco is known as “13-inch Corporation” (incorporated apparently with his acorns and stink hole). The star of over 1300 films, Siffredi is a fetish fiend who specializes in anal (terrifying, considering the beef whistle involved) and strangulation. There’s a section on his website called “Ass to Mouth”. We’ll leave the rest to your imagination.
  6. Peter North. No offense to arachnids, but North shoots a better rope than Spiderman. Watching “The Cum Shot Legend” (we’re hoping that goes on his tombstone) blast face and areola is awe-inspiring. Civilizations have fallen in the time it takes North to empty his tank. It’s obscene. Which is a large part of the appeal. That North comes across as genuinely nice helps in his status as one of the ten best straight male porn stars.
  7. John Leslie. Leslie, like Holmes, got his start during porn’s 1970’s heyday. He had tremendous swagger back in the day. Porn legends Seka, Kay Parker, and Christy Canyon all slathered slit sauce on his cream colossus. Vintage woodman Leslie’s got staying power. He’s stared in over 300 films and directed nearly 100, making him one of the best straight male porn stars.
  8. Mr. Big Dick. Naming yourself Mr. Big Dick is ballsy. But the guy’s packing a beastly beaver basher that’s impaled some of the hottest portals in porn. Big Dick is a young buck, having gotten his start doing online porn. Often decimating amateurs with his groin ferret, B.D. represents the new porn paradigm, and is one of the best straight male porn stars.
  9. Randy West. Randy West is generous. Through his Up and Cummers series, he’s given us one of the worst puns in history, and the breakout (or break in, if you prefer) performances of Jenna Jameson and Tera Patrick. The star of more than 1100 pornos, West has worked his beef blaster into thousands of clams, many of whom went on to become porn’s biggest starlets.
  10. Dirk Diggler. Dirk Diggler’s got a mythical beast like a unicorn. Watching “Boogie Nights” you enjoy over two hours of Dirk nailing Heather Graham, Julianne Moore, and countless anonymous Venus mounds. He’s got a nasty coke habit, awful 80’s metal songs, and 13 inches of punishment below the belt. Even as a fictitious character, Diggler is one of the ten best straight male porn stars.

 

 

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