These 10 reasons to quit smoking should be enough to crack the habit of even the most hardened nicotine junkies. And if they're not, you can always just read what it says on the package! Here are ten reasons to quit smoking:
- Lung Cancer Now, we know it's a cliche, but your lungs are not a good place for you to get cancer. And when you smoke cigarettes, you're inhaling cancer-causing substances (called "cancer-makers") into those very precious organs. If that's not a reason to quit smoking, then what is?
- Coughing There's nothing worse than being at a quite, intimate social function and suddenly having the urge to hock up a million in prizes. And anyone who's ever been around a smoker knows that smoking causes a very distinct "smoker's cough" which sounds like death mixed with desperation and a dash of "it's OK, I'm fine, I'm fine."
- Addiction Of all the reasons to quit smoking, this is the one that appeals most to one's sense of convenience. Being addiced to something is no good, even if it doesn't have the health risks that cigarettes have. So just remember this down-home southern aphorism: "Hooked on the smokes, that's no joke, y'all!"
- Deceptive Coolness Let's face it, you're probably not as cool as smoking makes you look. So do you really want to give people the impression that you're Humphrey Bogart or something? Come on, look at you! This is a both a reason to quit smoking AND a reason for you to stop wearing that stupid fedora.
- Teeth Now, we don't want to get insulting here, but let's just say that one of the reasons to quit smoking is that it doesn't always leave your teeth looking their finest. We know, there are nonsmokers with terrible teeth, but still. It doesn't help. Don't take it personally, alright? We still love you.
- Breath Hey, listen, you're a great person. You have a great personality and everything. No, you're not ugly. It's just, smoking doesn't always create the most pleasant olfactory sensations to emanate from your body. Hey, it's just another reason to quit smoking, don't get upset!
- Money Smoking is a pretty expensive habit, everything else aside. And in this economy, with "vice taxes" only becoming more prevalent, the price of looking cool and relieving stress will only go up. Maybe you could take up something less expensive, like yo-yo?
- Danger No, we're not talking about health risks, we're talking about, like, fire. Have you ever thought about that? You're setting a stick on fire and putting it in your mouth to breathe in the flame. OK, that actually sounds kind of cool. But the point is you might get hurt. It's possible you're one of those people who get off on having cigarettes put out on their skin – if so, just disregard this reason to quit smoking.
- False Sense of Superiority Once you quit smoking, you can immediately begin the business of telling all your former smoking buddies that they need to quit, too. You can drive them nuts with your pontificating about how the air smells fresher, food tastes better, etc. It will be awesome.
- Attention Quitting smoking is a great way to get people to pay attention to you, both when you quit, and when you decide to start up again. "I thought you quit smoking?" "I did, I'm just going through some rough stuff right now. WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT?" Ah. Sweet, sweet attention.
What Others Are Reading Right Now.
Acting, comedy and strong spirits converge in Speakeasy. When host Paul F. Tompkins interviews entertainers—Key and Peele, Alison Brie, Rob Delaney, Zach Galifianakis—about all sor ...
10 Mind-Blowing Necktie Knots
“How many knots are there?” you ask. Dozens, at least, most of which will totally amaze you.
10 Things Women Expect Men to Know How To Do
To make ladies swoon or at least not cringe, you’d better be able to handle the following…