10 Stupid Cat Tricks

These 10 stupid cat tricks are not the amazing or outrageous feats that only a cat can achieve. Stupid cat tricks are the things that cat supervisors, sometimes called owners, think are awesome cat accomplishments. Television shows feature stupid pet tricks and most of these performances feature canines. Cats, however, are not immune from owners training the feline to do the most mundane tricks and calling the performance something less than genius. No genius involved, these tricks are simply stupid cat tricks. 

  1. Chasing a ball. Babies and dogs chase balls as part of general entertainment. A cat chasing a ball is not a major trick, unless the animal adds a flip or aerial leap to the performance. A simple run for the ball is a stupid cat trick. 
  2. Playing with a box or bag. Cats are known for a high level of curiosity and cats and kittens will find amusement in any empty or full bag or box. Leaping over a box is not quality trick unless the stack is at least five times the cat's height. Anything less is a stupid pet trick. 
  3. Chasing a dog. In order to be immune from the stupid pet trick list, chasing the dog must include a dog significantly larger than the cat and include a period of actually riding on the dog's back or hanging from the dog's neck. 
  4. Leaping in the air. Some cat leaps may be truly outstanding and not in the stupid cat trick category. These include leaps with 360 degree turns while at least three feet in the air. For the most part, cat leaps are routine for the furry animal. They could do better, but humans require so little action to be amused, the cat simply does the minimum. 
  5. Riding in the car. Any animal can ride in the car. It's a stupid pet trick. If the cat actually assists in driving the car in some way or takes the wheel as a solo driver, then this trick leaves the stupid cat trick list. 
  6. Hiding. Another obvious trick for the list is hiding. This action is a survival technique used by all types of animals. It is not a specialize trick. Cats using the invisible fading technique, a la Alice in Wonderland, however, puts this skill into a higher category and is off the stupid cat trick list. 
  7. Talking. Meowing is not talking. This is a myth perpetrated by cat owners. If the cat can put more than two words back to back and everyone in the room recognizes the phrase, then it's not stupid. Any less number of words meets the stupid cat trick list. 
  8. Opening a door. A feline pushing the door open may be something other than a stupid pet trick provided the animal uses the handle. Simply head butting the door open is a stupid cat trick. 
  9. Operating machinery. Operating complex machinery is a difficult job for some humans and a cat operating the stove, oven or even the toaster or blender is a wonderment. Pushing a button to release food from a feline eating machine is not; it's simply a stupid cat trick. 
  10. High-wire walking. This stupid pet trick involves encouraging the cat to climb items around the house for the entertainment for the owner or the owner's guests. Add a rope or plastic cord and a cat that takes the lead to take a walk and this trick moves to a higher level. Anything less is a stupid trick. 
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