10 Things Men Love About Megan Fox

There are waayyyy more than to things men love about Megan Fox. When attempting to encompass all that is Megan Fox, "ten" becomes a very limiting number. Though Letterman has his Top Ten, Moses his 10 Commandments, and The Simpsons their 10 seasons to parody American culture (taking 20 years to accomplish it), with Megan, the real question is what won't make the cut. 

  1. HOT On a primal, animal, and perhaps somewhat illegal level, men respond to Megan’s presence in a physical and instinctual manner. Judge us harshly, or even sadly, but men are wired to respond to Megan on a caveman level, which we may not even understand, imploring us to mate, perpetuate the species, and to "get up in that bidness."
  2. Low Maintenance Although a relative newcomer, known from but a few cinematic masterpieces, Megan exudes chillness. Thoroughly unaffected, and with a passionate apathy for the machinations of celebrity, she's the sort of person you want to hang with, who's as comfortable chewing the fat about life as she is about video games or existentialism.
  3. She’s girl-friendly. Now, pre “Jennifer’s Body,” #3 might not have a leg to stand on, but the twelve people who saw this film can confirm that Megan’s character was equal opportunity with the genders. Perhaps men look at this sort of girl-girl coupling as a sign of a woman’s positive self-body image, or an indicator that they are in touch with their feelings and sense of self, but in truth, we just like to see girls kiss other girls – sue us.
  4. She's still hot with clothes on.  Men know jack about fashion, but they know what they like, and what they like are the ensembles Ms. Fox has a tendency to rock. Though said wardrobe runs the gamut from Trailer Park Chic to, well, just trailer park, Megan is hyper-aware of her attributes, and showcases them magnificently with an array of calf-revealing, neckline-plunging, posterior-enhancing awesomeness.
  5. Dudegasm If there’s one thing that men love more than women, and there may not be, it's explosions. Wherefore Megan? Lab coat wearing souls sat down and stomached both “Transformers” and “Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen,” and by their calculations, eleventy billion explosions take place. And while eleventy isn't a word, it's a fact that there’s an obscene amount of explosivity happening, and by proximity, Megan combines our loves into one grand unifying equation of amazing: Megan Fox + Explosions = Dudegasm.
  6. Fox Her last name tells us all we need to know. If you are of a certain age, you may have referred to, or heard a woman referred to as, "a fox." Once upon a time, when men found a lady attractive, words such as  “hot” or “bangin’” or even “milf” weren't really options, so we referred to such ladies as “foxes” or “foxy” or even, upon rare occasions , as “a stone cold fox.” Megan’s surname let's us judge her book by its comely cover.
  7. She fights robots…and wins. Who else can upstage freakin’ robots? As boys, most men dreamed of having their own real-life robot that can fly, talk, fight, etc. – but when one woman, one leggy, hair-flippy, cat-eyed woman, can pull focus off an entire screen of rocket-firing, joke-telling, and earth-saving/destroying robots? That girl is pretty special, and men have to give it up.
  8. Her left leg – Honestly, that leg is so perfect, NASA scientists calibrate their most sensitive instruments upon it. They then calibrate them again, after a brief refractory period.
  9. Her right leg – see above.
  10. She's perfect. Megan Fox represents an idealized, stylized, and maybe even a caricature of the perfect woman. Sexier than your girlfriend, cooler than your best friend, and a fantasy even your fantasies sometimes fantasize about – but utterly, unless you're a former 90210'er with ambitions of rap stardom, unattainable. Safely unattainable, as she would drive male brains to madness with prolonged exposure. Fragile male psyches weren’t designed to handle such distilled allure, and on some level we know it. She’s a thing to strive for, to rhapsodize about, but not something we could handle if given the opportunity, so she is kept safely on her pedestal, and we let her exist in the only medium which can truly contain her, our dreams.

 

 

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