10 Tips For Dating After Divorce With Children

Here are 10 tips fore dating after divorce with children. Dating someone after a divorce can be difficult. Dating someone after a divorce when you have children can be even harder. Your entire view on relationships changes after having children because you aren't only looking for someone to spend your time with anymore, you are looking for someone to be the father for your children, whether you realize it or not. 

  1. Be Open. Be up front and honest with first dates. Tell them on the first date that you have children, especially if they live with you. Hiding anything in a relationship is a bad idea, and most people get mad if you hide this detail from them, even if they love kids only for the fact that you hid something so important in your life from them.
  2. Introduce your Friend. Introduce your boyfriend/girlfriend to your children as your "friend" until you have been dating the person for at least four months. If you feel that you can really make a future with this person, talk to them to make sure they feel the same, and ask your boyfriend/girlfriend if they feel comfortable with you telling your children that you two are together. If your significant other is not comfortable with it, you need to second think your relationship.
  3. Babysitter. In the early stages of dating, hire a babysitter as much as possible for date nights. Having the children around will allow your children to get attached soon, and may also overwhelm your significant other. 
  4. Second Thoughts. If you have second thoughts about dating this person, end the relationship as early on as possible. When people have second thoughts about dating one another, there is a high chance that the relationship will eventually end, and when children are involved, sooner is better than later. 
  5. Your friend around your Children. Slowly introduce your friend to your children. If a strange person is all of the sudden around the house a lot, it may be overwhelming for everyone. Start off doing small get together's outside of the home, and allow more time spent together over a few weeks. 
  6. Take it Slow. Try not to let your children get too close too soon in the relationship. If your children become attached to the person, and your significant other isn't around a few months later, your children will be very hurt and confused by the abandonment.  
  7. Talk to your Children. Once your children have been around your significant other enough, ask them what they think of that person. Your children's opinions should be important. If they say that the person yells at them, or that they are mean, then you need to reconsider your relationship. Most Children are a great judge of character. 
  8. Reassure your Kids. Tell your children that having an adult around for you to love doesn't change that they will always be your children, and you will always love them, no matter what happens. Explain to them that adults need other adults sometimes, but you will always love them in their own special way. 
  9. Do not Rely on new Boyfriend/Girlfriend. Do not rely on your new significant other to be parenting help. This may stress your new boyfriend/girlfriend, and cause the children to become attached as well. This is a dangerous mix. 
  10. Breakup. If you have a breakup, do not announce the breakup to your children. If they ask where your friend is, let them know that you two don't see each other anymore, but do not bring it up on your own, since this can cause more stress than needed. 
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