10 Worst Movies Ever
Bad movies are a dime a dozen, making it difficult to narrow them down to a list of the 10 worst movies ever. They come out, are forgotten, and are then remembered when it's 2 AM and you're watching "Gone Fishin'" on HBO3 for some reason. But the worst movies are something special - they have to be seen to be appreciated.
- "The Return of Doctor X" "A Humphrey Bogart movie!" Then you turn it on only to find one of the worst movies ever! Bogie is essentially playing the Karloff or Lugosi role here, only he's Humphrey Bogart. It's like watching John Kerry pretending to be a hunter.
- "Glen or Glenda" There are bad movies, and there are the WORST MOVIES EVER. This gem from the legendary Edward D. Wood, Jr. falls somewhat effeminately into the latter category. We would tell you what it's about in greater detail than "cross-dressing," but since the movie has the narrative drive of a rambling college essay, we'll just leave it at that. And if you're a hat enthusiast, be prepared for a paradigm shift.
- "Plan 9 From Outer Space" Edward D. Wood, Jr seems to be adept at making bad movies. This one is about a motley band of extraterrestrial cutups who try to conquer the earth through a plan that deals with the resurrection of the dead. Not a single scene in this movie is technically proficient along any lines. It's awesome.
- "Manos: The Hands of Fate" Yes, we could have populated a list of the worst movies ever entirely with movies that were covered on "Mystery Science Theater 3000." Instead we'll just let the worst of the worst hold a place for all of them. The pace is so slow you'll be tempted to emulate Joel and The Bots by shouting "DO SOMETHING!" at the screen. You can try, but it won't help.
- "Casino Royale" Not the 2006 Daniel Craig movie, but instead the 1967 Bond spoof starring Peter Sellers as James Bond. And David Niven. And a damn sea otter. Not to mention Orson Welles as a villain who does magic tricks for no reason.
- "Game of Death" Even among the ranks of worst movies ever, there are few that commit any major moral offenses. Meet one of the few. This bit of cinematic grave-robbery was cobbled together from a few minutes of footage that the iconic Bruce Lee completed before his untimely death and new, crappy footage with some of the most unbelievable doubling you will ever see in a movie. In the most notorious attempt to fool audiences into thinking Bruce Lee was alive, his "double" stands in front of a mirror, which has been affixed with a cardboard cut out of Bruce Lee's face! There is a place in hell for the filmmakers behind "Game of Death," with Bruce Lee waiting to kick their asses.
- "Batman & Robin" You saw "The Dark Knight," right? Remember how it was a dark, dramatic, and powerful story featuring Batman and a handful of captivating bad guys? OK, picture that except really terrible and nipples on the batsuit. And neon colors so bright that you're liable to have a permanent afterimage imprinted on your eyes if you stare at the screen for too long. Now you have "Batman and Robin." Learn the name well, for it is the chilling sound of your doom.
- "Shrek" "Shrek" represents everything that is wrong with kids' movies today. Instead of having a relatable story or likeable characters it just lathers on mean-spirited sarcasm and fart jokes. Obviously those two things have their place, but not in kids' movies, man.
- "The Happening" Ah, vague titles. They can represent limitless potential. "'The Happening,' eh? Hey, that could be a lesbian hot tub party!" No such luck. It's actually one of the worst movies ever featuring some of the most inadvertently humorous death scenes of all time. And the vagueness of the title carries over into the dialogue, with lines like "Whatever it is that's happening isn't happening 20 miles noth-east of here!"
- "Land of the Lost" More like Bland of the Lost.