In order to save you the mistake of listening to any of these atrocities, we present to you the ten worst rock bands of all time. If you’ve already listened to them, we’re sorry.
- Creed. Did you know Creed reunited in 2009, recorded a new album and went back on tour? Did you care? There are so many things that make them one of the worst bands ever: their generic, 1990s grunge rock sound, the nausea-inducing lyrics, Scott Stapp’s awful Eddie Vedder wannabe vocals. “With Arms Wide Open” is actually banned as torture under the Geneva Conventions (not true, but it should be).
- Nickelback. Another throwback to the grunge era of the ’90s that churned out a seemingly infinite number of homogenous, radio-friendly bands, Nickelback is a band that just won’t die despite being loathed by critics. They are so brazenly unoriginal that they’ve actually been accused of ripping off one of their own songs. That takes chutzpah.
- Limp Bizkit. They put out an album called “Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water.” Do you really need another reason for them to be listed as one of the worst rock bands ever? OK, then how about the rapes and other violence following their performance at Woodstock ’99, or the girl who got trampled to death at one of their concerts in Australia?
- The Insane Clown Posse. They’re not just clowns, they’re craaaaaazy clowns! Crazy clowns who have made some of the worst rap-rock of all time (not that there’s an overabundance of good rap-rock) and inspired legions of brain dead “Juggalos” to mimic their style. They also performed their own wrestling league. A wrestling league, we presume, populated by more insane clowns. Yawn.
- Marilyn Manson. You know that kid in high school who dressed all in black, took Dungeons & Dragons too seriously and wrote poetry about killing puppies during Creative Writing just to show how dark and edgy he was? He grew up to be Marilyn Manson. Yes, Manson made a career by updating Alice Cooper’s shock tactics for a new generation. Once the shock wore off, though, he really had nothing else to offer.
- The Offspring. There were a lot of bad pop-punk bands. The Offspring were arguably the worst. They started off as a poor man’s Green Day and ended up… well they ended up releasing the execrable “Pretty Fly (For a White Guy).”
- Phish. Do you like smoking pot? Are you from the suburbs? Are the Grateful Dead too old for you? Then you probably dig Phish. A lot. For those that aren’t stoned, however, there are few musical trends more painful than the hippie jam band.
- Genesis. Although slightly edged out by the hippie jam bands, second-generation prog rockers like Genesis are a close contender for all-time worst trend in music. Supposedly early Genesis with Peter Gabriel was better, but if you’ve heard any of their music from the Phil Collins era then you are probably not eager to explore their back catalog.
- My Chemical Romance. What do you get when you cross Queen with a 14 year-old girl who writes poetry about cutting herself just to feel alive? You get My Chemical Romance. The emo fad seems to mostly be over now, though. Thank goodness.
- Bon Jovi. Don’t tell your Dad, but Bon Jovi sucks. Why? “Living on a Prayer,” that’s why. Have you actually listened to the lyrics of that song? Don’t.
What Others Are Reading Right Now.
13 Things to Look Forward to in Your 30s
You’ve probably been told that your 20s will be the best years of your life. As someone in their 30s, I can tell you honestly that nothing could be further from the truth. Here are ...
Acting, comedy and strong spirits converge in Speakeasy. When host Paul F. Tompkins interviews entertainers—Key and Peele, Alison Brie, Rob Delaney, Zach Galifianakis—about all sor ...
10 Things to Talk About This Weekend
Ebola, Brad Pitt, and giant spiders.