4 Dating Rules You Should Break

first date.jpg

While dating rules may vary slightly on an individual basis, there are some universal ones. And though there are those you should always follow (like “do not rectally penetrate your date without prior permission or proper lubrication"), there are a few that, much like Justin Bieber’s skull, merit shattering beyond repair.

children family

Rule: Dating rules dictate no discussion of having children immediately. You'll appear to be moving too fast if you inquire about kids too soon.
Why you should break it: It sucks when you really connect with someone and find out after a few weeks, months or years of dating that your reproductive aspirations are complete polar opposites. Don’t risk dragging out a doomed love affair–lay out how you feel as soon as comfortably possible because the decision to make little sperm-and-egg omelets is a major issue. Most women want kids someday and several have raging baby rabies. So if you’re a child-free guy, this is especially important. What’s the harm in delving into the subject and having the shit hit the fan sooner when you’re not too involved rather than later when you’re nuts about one another? This rule also pertains to other touchy lifestyle choices like sexual openness, religious beliefs and political views.

dating breakfast

Rule: Never talk about ex-girlfriends and ex-wives. Women don’t like being compared to your former partners.
Why you should break it:Yes, heaven forbid you compare your date to an ex because you fancy avoiding an instant replay of a past mistake. Waxing poetic for hours about an ex with whom you’re still enamored while wearing her underwear may alarm your date, but it’s naive to think either you or your chick have no sexual history. Be adults—talk about why these relationships went the way of the Hindenburg and what you would want out of a future romantic commitment. This is also a good way to find out if she has been ridden more than a champion pony and to insist on STD testing.

slob

Rule: After dating for a bit, you don’t need to care about your appearance anymore.
Why you should break it: It seems that when a guy has “snagged” someone, they will start getting sloppy about their looks and their hygiene. During those first few magical, euphoric nights out, you’d get all dolled up: comb your hair, shave, wear deodorant, wash your crotch, and so on. Why? So your date will be impressed and attracted to you, which is difficult to accomplish when you smell like sweaty balls and your hair is greasy enough to double as a slip-and-slide. Once people reach a comfortable level in dating, they often let their appearance go all to hell. It makes you look totally lazy and unreliable, and this will repel a woman like the remake of "The Haunting" repels good reviews. Chicks dig a sharply dressed man because it demonstrates confidence, along with showing that you give a damn. Try making even a semblance of an effort to look slick and maintain basic hygiene so you can continue being that sexy bag of irresistible manliness.

splitting the bill

Rule: Men should pay for everything.
Why you should break it: The assumption that a man always has to pay for the whole date is ridiculous. Is the woman too poor to ever pay for dinner or a drink? If a chick is going to take financial advantage of you from the get-go and won’t even consider buying you a drink or dinner, she’s looking for a sugar daddy and not a partner. The ideal balance would be one where the guy pays sometimes, the woman pays sometimes, and then the rest of the time, each go Dutch. Screw dating rules–women are always bitching about wanting equal rights, so they can get their wish and pony up for dinner once in a while like men do.

 

 

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