5 Best Coitus Positions

The 5 best coitus positions are those positions that you want to assume when you're having sex ...a ll the time! If you want the most powerfully rushing orgasms followed by the most mind-blowing and earth-shattering, guttural cries of pure sex release, then you will start exclusively having sex in only these coitus positions from now on, big boy.

1. Pretzel Dip. The Pretzel Dip is the best coitus position because it lets you get off on being able to give your woman the insanely deep penetration that is only possible through doggie-style intercourse, while still maintaining that all-important eye contact that will get you to ejaculate with more passion. Just force your woman to lie on her right side as you straddle her right leg and force her also to wrap her left leg around your left side.
2. Stand and Deliver. Stand and Deliver is the second-best coitus position because it allows for more ferocious, and therefore hotter friction between your penis and your woman's vaginal walls. Just force your woman to bend over like a good little schoolgirl, and shove your you-know-what inside her. With such ultra-intense friction during your already hot-and-heavy intercourse session, you can better believe that you'll shoot a load like never before.
3. The Caboose. This is the third-best coitus position because it encourages your little woman to tighten her pelvic muscles to sustain your erection all the more! Sit down somewhere and order your woman to slowly but surely back her sweet derriere into your lap, so that you two horndogs can spoon each other in a seated position.
4. Leap Frog. This is the fourth-best coitus position because it allows you to penetrate your little girl all the harder, creating more sexual release and satisfaction for your already very erect penis. Force your little lady to get on her knees and hands—by any means necessary—as she sticks her buttocks high up in the air for penetration by you. Keep nailing that sweet booty that is raised in front of you as your woman gets the double-benefit of even resting her arms and her head on the bed!
5. Upstanding Citizen. Upstanding Citizen demands that your woman jumps up into your arms and then wraps her hot, little legs around your pelvic region. You stick your shaft deep inside of her as you support her with your hands and she wraps her arms around your neck and shoulders. Just be sure you don't have a bad back, or this could turn into an embarrassment for you.