You may think you know how to masturbate, but you have no idea. Every guy’s method for beating the bishop or choking the chicken will differ just a little bit from everyone else’s naturally. But, all that’s really required is the right kind of friction in just the right spot. Once a man has committed to a masturbation technique of his own, his form pretty much stays the same for his whole life. And yet, it doesn’t have to be that way.
Every guy should know at least five fun ways to masturbate. Sure, the normal five knuckle shuffle is fun and all, but a little variation is good for everybody. There really can be too much of a good thing so it is best to switch things up occasionally to keep things fresh and exciting. Here are five fun ways to masturbate to make the most out of your alone time.
1. The Stranger. Quite possibly the most famous masturbation technique of all, The Stranger has earned it’s reputation. The one drawback that many see in masturbation is that it is generally a solo activity. It is always better to have an attractive lady friend help you out. As stated earlier, masturbation is tricking your penis into thinking a vagina is around. The Stranger simply takes that trickery one step further. You sit on the hand you plan on using until it is numb. When you lose sensation in that hand feel free to go to town. It feels like somebody else is taking care of you.
2. The Endless Vagina. The act of masturbating is basically simulating a vagina. The Endless Vagina is simulating a vagina that never ends. Fairly self explanatory. The Endless Vagina is achieved by making a fist with one hand and sliding it down over the penis. When the head of the penis emerges slide the other hand down. Rinse and repeat until desired results are achieved.
3. Hot Meat Sandwich. This one is pretty simple. Basically, your stomach and one of your hands will be the bread and you fill this sandwich with your sausage. Rub your hand against your penis for the friction. See, friction equals heat. These names totally make sense. This sandwich definitely beats those egg salad sandwiches they sell in gas stations, just remember to keep some napkins on hand. This is a Hot Meat Sandwich, not a Sloppy Joe.
4. The Lefty. This is really only The Lefty if you are right-handed, if you are left-handed it is The Righty. If you are ambidextrous then instead of five fun ways to masturbate you get four. The idea behind The Lefty is to masturbate using your non-dominant hand. This simply switches things up from the normal routine for a different feel. Your off hand will produce a different pressure, speed and pulling direction. It also helps to keep your dominant hand from developing the aforementioned calluses, so it is basically a win win scenario.
5. Rosy Palms AKA Sandpaper. While the name Sandpaper may cause a little trepidation, this technique is one of the five fun ways to masturbate. The premise is simple, grip the penis with one hand and rub the head of the penis with the palm of the other hand. It’s really only Sandpaper when the hands used are calloused, so be careful how often you have your personal time.
What Others Are Reading Right Now.
A Noble Experiment… With Bourbon
What happens when jeans are “aged” liked a fine spirit? We’ll soon find out.
Today in Nick Offerman: Love, Work and iPhone Advice
He offered that, plus tales of college sex, on the Tonight Show.
Cooking With Booze: Bourbon Barrel Quad Ice Cream
If you're ever going to make dessert, make it this beer-and-bourbon brilliance.