5 Hot Billionaires: Potential Sugar Mamas

These 5 hot billionaires, your potential Sugar Mamas, are shrewd businesswomen, entertainers, and industrial heiresses. A word of caution in seeking out your billionaire Sugar Mama: working your way to a billion dollars isn’t easy, and these women don’t play easy.

  1. Oprah: Straight up, Oprah makes gangsta bank. While Hip Hop fans will have to make concessions in O’s presence (she is unfortunately allied with Billy Cosby-and, weirdly enough, Bill O’Reilly-in this respect), her entertainment empire offers myriad activities to keep you busy while Sugar Mama’s out hustling, from the book club to (if Dave Chappelle’s skit on being Oprah’s baby daddy holds any weight–and here’s to hoping it does) karaoke with your Korean friends. Oprah’s on the list of the 5 hot billionaires as a potential Sugar Mama.
  2. J.K. Rowling. Harry Potter’s ultimate Head Mistress, one of the 5 hot billionaires, has more money than the Queen of England. The richest woman in Britain is also articulate, funny, down to earth, and even a little silly. Rowling’s working class roots make her the ideal Sugar Mama for the proletarian seducer, though tread carefully: she doesn’t take kindly to being mistreated by men. Rowling’s deadbeat dad, who pushes a hotdog cart, crawled out of the woodwork after the Potter fame explosion. J.K., who hadn’t see her father in years, bought a hot dog off of him with a twenty pound note, told him to keep the change, and hasn’t spoken to him since. Good for her, but maybe not for you.
  3. Abigail Johnson. Though she’s had some awful haircuts over the years, billionaire Johnson has a similar stark, handsome sexiness to Jodi Foster. Former president of Fidelity Investments, Johnson holds an MBA from Harvard, and is rolling in enough dough to buy you an airplane, boat, bling-ass chains, and Spreewells for your Corolla. If you play your cards right, Sugar Mama Johnson, one of the 5 hot billionaires, might even help you invest your allowance.
  4. Chu Lam Yu. Being the parasitical sex slave of a Chinese billionaire certainly has its advantages. For one thing, when they end up taking over the world, you’re in like Flynn. In addition to making billions from her company, which designs additives for cigarettes (some people quite literally have to kill to get ahead), scents, and flavors, Yiu’s also got a unique, bookish sexiness about her. Chu Lam, who turns 40 this year, is the youngest self-made female billionaire in the world. One of the 5 hot female billionaires, Yiu’s greatest advantage on this list is geography. If you think a billion bucks goes a long way in the US, imagine how far it’d take you in China.
  5. Susanne Klatten. Like Johnson, German billionaire Klatten has fallen victim to her fair share of crap haircuts. Though angry American lesbians may screem “closeted dike” when they peep Klatten’s visage, we’ll chock it up to European poor taste. One of the 5 hot billionaires, Klatten would be an ideal Sugar Mama for the globetrotter, with her position in central Europe. Even more attractive, Klatten and her family have a sordid dark side. The family company is rumored to have had chemical dealings with the Nazis, while Klatten herself suffered attempted blackmailing at the hands of Helg Sgarbi, who, against the happily married billionaire’s knowledge, taped her lusty tryst at an Austrian hotel with him. While this might appear to mean she’s willing take young studs under her wings (and between her legs), take warning: Sgarbi was sentenced to six years in prison.

And there are your 5 hot billionaires. Now go get yourself a Sugar Mama, young buck.





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