5 Reasons Not To Have Sex

Screwing is the point of existence but in a civilized society one should exercise control and understand the logic behind this list of 5 reasons not to have sex. Males often spend 95% of their life trying to get some and this has led from anything to itchy crotches to the complete annihilation of Troy. Sometimes, you should keep it in your pants.

  1. Social taboo. Sometimes the signs are so obvious that you shouldn’t even have to put it on a list of five reasons not to have sex. Having said that, taboo sex is incredibly fun. Well it is until your orgasm ecstasy dissipates and creates a moment of clarity inside your brain…suddenly you realize you should have never slept with your friend’s or relative’s girlfriend, wife, ex-wife, ex-girlfriend, etc. Basically if it feels wrong, it probably is.
  2. Workplace taboo. Screwing coworkers is fine and dandy but remember you will have to see these people every damn day beneath the fluorescent sky. If you need money and a career, do not poop where you sleep. Screwing your manager is thrilling and empowering but never a good idea. After the Christmas party hangover wears off, you will return to a cold, awkward work environment. If you like your job, that is the all the reason you need not to have sex at work.
  3. Impaired. A perfect reason not to have sex is when you are wasted. Unfortunately, this nugget of wisdom is hard to see if you are wasted. This goes for either part of the hook up. If your date is wasted, then you are allowed to see her home safely and maybe draw on her but that is it. Always play the part of a gentleman. Even if you are a jerk, the stain of creep or a criminal upon your soul is to be avoided at all costs. Most of us have one level headed friend who does not pass out every night. Ask him about your hookup situation and listen to his advice.
  4. Ex. Ah bumping into the ex after a few cocktails. Always a top five reason not to have sex. You are familiar with each other’s charms and hopping into the sack is simplicity itself…but what are you trying to achieve? Getting back together? Just sex? If you hated each other enough to part, you probably are not going to find common ground after you hump.
  5. Bugs. Many Marines know a scientific trick known as the ‘sniff test’. Basically, if the scent of a woman goes from funky to rotting cheese after you pass below the waist, it is time to cut your losses and have a beer. Signs your ‘date’ has nasty STDs are always on the top five reasons not to have sex. Strange pimples, rashes, knobby genital warts, frothing discharge and demonic stench are perfect excuses to politely excuse yourself and flee. The worst part is many STDs have no obvious physical signs. Remember that one. Always wear a condom for that first dip.
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