5 Things that Only Happen in the Movies

Some things just don’t happen in real life; some things only happen in the movies.  Some of the information we get from movies isn't totally reliable, we need to learn to differentiate reality from those things that only happen in movies.  These things that only happen in the movies aren't applicable to real life – it’s important to know the difference. 

Turn the TV on, see what you want. You're probably familiar with this one. The scenario: Some serial murderer or axe rapist is on the loose, and the main character wants to tell his friends about it. So what does he do? He clicks on the TV and whaddayaknow a special news bulletin about the very event in question just started, sometimes even with a "for those of you just tuning in" preface. Have you EVER experienced this in real life? Hell no. It's always, "I'm sure they'll talk about it after this next commercial break." By this time, the serial-axe-killer-rapist has probably already claimed another 2 or 3 victims and hopped the next train out of town. Getting what you want when you want it on TV is something that only happens in the movies, unless you’ve got a DVR. 

Tell a lie and it shows. This is a particularly widespread movie trope that anyone who has ever told a lie knows is something that only happens in the movies. In movies, people tend to be horrible liars. One of the reasons for this is that the filmmakers know the vast majority of the audience are morons and are likely to not pick up on a character's lie unless presented with very obvious and clumsy visual cues. Movie liars are always doing things like looking off into space, stuttering, stammering, and just generally making asses of themselves in ways that no self-respecting liar would ever even dream of behaving. In real life, people are much better liars than in the movies.

Women love stalkers. Women in romantic comedies break so many of the rules for NOT encouraging rapists and psychopaths. In romantic comedy world, when a woman states clearly her lack of interest in a man, it's not the end of the would-be relationship as it would be in real life. You see, if the characters that end up together in a romantic comedy HATE each other at the beginning, it creates drama and tension, which creates major box-office cash. Just look at the lengths men will go to to catch their soul mate in the movies. Getting a girl who hates you to love you is something that only happens in the movies. In real life it ends with restraining orders and pepper spray.

The internet can literally do anything. It's important to remember that most screenwriters and directors have never used the internet and are only vaguely aware of its existence and/or purpose. So when you watch a movie and you see a spiky-haired gentleman in glasses and a geeky t-shirt say  "I've hacked into the killer's alarm clock through his BookSpace page! I can now make sure he sleeps late and misses his flight. We've got him!" just remember that it's not the filmmakers' fault. If they knew how to use computers they'd be working at NASA or something, nerd.

Bad guy cheats, good guy wins This is one that's painfully disconnected from the real world. Good guys winning: clearly something that only happens in the movies. Here's a little secret: If crime didn't pay, there would be no criminals. The same goes for life's smaller infractions, such as cheating. In movie world, cheating doesn't help the cheater win, it makes the good guy's inevitable victory more rewarding. The movie seems to be saying "This guy's bad because he stabbed his opponent before the match. Don't worry though, he's still going to lose. The stabbing just leveled the playing field." Sad but true. In reality, the stabbed have a very low rate of victory of any sort over the non-stabbed, except in the obvious case of Who-Can-Bleed-The-Most contests. And to our knowledge there has yet to be a movie about one of those, even though that would be awesome.

show comments

What Others Are Reading Right Now.