5 Tips For Leaving An Abusive Relationship

Leaving an abusive relationship can be very dangerous without knowing the 5 tips for leaving an abusive relationship. During the act of leaving an abuser or after having just left is the most dangerous time of the relationship. It is imperative for your safety to have a solid plan for leaving and the support of family or a support group.

1. Gather necessary documents. Use extreme caution when gathering the things you will need and never take anything that will be noticed as missing. It is not worth the risk to your safety. The most import documents are birth certificate, Social Security card, photographs of abuse, medical records, personal journal, your will, and co-ownership documents.
2. Gather personal items. Again, use extreme caution. If the removal of the items will be discovered is could create a dangerous situation for you at the hand of the abuser. Take only what will not be discovered. The personal items to take are not a collection of DVD’s but items that cannot be replaced like an heirloom piece of jewelry. Collect as much cash as possible and do not use joint credit accounts that would show your whereabouts.
3. Decided where to go. This is the most important step because it is about staying safe. Find a place to go that your abuser knows nothing about. Find a shelter, go to a friend’s home, or possibly family depending on whether or not the abuser knows the address. Be careful not to tell friends or family that side with the abuser. Once you have found a place to go where you won’t be found, stash a little clothing and personal items making certain these items will not be missed by the abuser.
4. Time to go. Leave when you know leaving is safe. Wait until the abuser has gone to work. If possible, make sure the abuser is at work then leave as quickly as possible. Leave a simple note saying you are leaving, you are safe, and your family won’t know where you are so do not bother them. On your way out the door spend no more than five to 10 minutes gathering necessary items. It is all too easy to spend too much time trying to take your belongings with you which puts you in danger. If you are able to speak to the abuser at work you know you have the amount of time it takes to get him from work to get out. Things can be replaced but your life cannot. Change your cell phone number immediately. Shut your cell phone off until the number is changed.
5. Get help. After leaving you can expect your abuser to get angry or violent if you are found. Get a retraining order; call an abuse help line for assistance. At some point the abuser will contact you with intense crying, begging, and promises that he/she has changed and it will never happen again. Of course, 10 minutes after returning to the abuser it will start again and be worse than ever. Get help from a counselor, support group, or abuse clinic. Living in an abusive relationship causes a lot of damage that takes time to heal. Get professional help and give yourself time to heal before entering another relationship.