Break Up Guide
Not every relationship is going to last, and when that time comes, having a break up guide to follow can help make the break up go a little smoother. Not every tip in this break up guide will work for every situation, but this can be considered a baseline for creating the best approach in a given situation.
- Avoid clichéd statements such as “It’s not you, it’s me.” These tend to hurt more than simply telling the person they no longer suit your needs. While the statement may be true, a better approach is simply explaining that you are making decisions about your future and have decided that this relationship is not what you want.
- Avoid name calling, belittling each other, or down-playing the soon-to-be-ex’s emotions. Regardless of your true feelings, ending on a bad note is immature. If your soon-to-be-ex decides to stoop to a name calling or bashing level, acknowledge that she is hurting, but stay calm and compassionate and simply end the break up conversation before things get ugly.
- Sever ties and communication to reduce the amount of heartbreak involved. Unless you were best friends before dating, there is never a legitimate reason to “remain friends” with an ex. The majority of people who feel they should “remain friends” with an ex who was not a friend to begin with, are doing so out of fear of cutting that person completely out of their life. Basically, you are simply stringing this person along, keeping hope alive in her mind, and it’s best to simply cut ties and stop communicating as if you are friends. If the majority of your friends are friends you hung out with together, this can lead to an awkward break up, but usually one side or the other will cut ties with the mutual friends too.
- Don’t cheat before you officially break up, and if you’re seriously thinking of cheating, break up as soon as possible to avoid a messy break up. Cheating hurts, and if the relationship was serious, cheating can cause major distress for your soon-to-be-ex. This will also make you out to be the “bad guy” in family and friends’ eyes. End it first, then move on.
- Under no circumstances should you ever break up with someone in an indirect way. What does this mean? In the simplest terms, do not send a break up text message or email, do not tell your friends before breaking up with your ex, and do not change your Facebook or other social networking site relationship status before the break up is established. This is almost as bad as cheating before you end the relationship, and it is a violation of the ex’s privacy and dignity. Regardless of your personal feelings toward your soon-to-be-ex, being the mature one when ending a relationship will pay off in the long run, so do yourself a favor and talk to her, end it officially, and then you can change your relationship status.
- When you have the official break up conversation, make it short but respectful. There’s no need to drag it out for hours, and it’s best to have this conversation in private. Avoid touching, hugging, or comforting your soon-to-be-ex, even when they begin to display emotion, it’s best to state your position, be clear and concise, apologize for things not working out. Keep it limited to 30 minutes or less to avoid room for changing your mind, giving unintentional false hope, or provoking a heated argument.