Breaking Up Advice

The time has finally come to end your relationship, but good breaking up advice seems difficult to come by. You've wracked your brain for the perfect way to just say "Get the hell out of my life," but you aren't trying to hurt her feelings. When you need to break up without leaving too many emotional scars, there's nothing better than these rules on how to break up easily.

1. Plan your attack. Remember when you first got into this relationship and how much planning it took to ask her out? Well, breaking up ought to be handled just as delicately. You don't have to take her out for a breakup dinner, but you should realize that she may want to have a chat about what's going on, especially if you catch her off guard. Allow yourself enough time to have a discussion because she might want to know why you're breaking up, but make sure you can bail if you think things are going to get ugly.
2. Secure your stuff. Depending on how she takes your news, you may not see those sweet T-shirts and bangin' CDs ever again. If you don't think collateral damage can be avoided, take steps to sneak your most important possessions out of her apartment in advance. Don't let her know you're doing it because the jig is up.
3. Be direct. Say what you mean because that's the only way to minimize the pain of breaking up. People worry about how to say things, but this is only because they focus on how others will react to what they've got to say. If you don't want to date, say, "Let's not date anymore" because if you tell her "I don't think we should date anymore" or "Maybe we should see other people" or anything indecisive, you might be in for a long conversation where she tries to convince you that things are fine. Avoid words that make it seem like you're unsure of your own desires.
4. Never soften the blow, but try not to add to it. If you try to make things nicer, it's highly likely that you'll just confuse the issue. Don't beat around the bush (see previous rule) but realize that the fact you're ready to stake your claim in other territories doesn't mean you need to give her a map of their addresses. She'll probably be upset enough without thinking you're leaving her because she's not as good as some other woman, so why not do a good deed and not share details you don't need to?
5. Avoid carnal relations by any means necessary. There's no better way to muck up a clean break than to keep on sleeping together. It doesn't matter how good of friends you were before or what you used to do, this is an unbreakable rule. If you break up with someone, don't be an a-hole and actually stop seeing them. Violating breakup periods with nasty lovemaking may seem appealing, but it's pretty much a straight route into a spiral of messy back and forth attachment. Good luck!