Funny Jokes For Adults

Funny jokes for adults can be easily shared with the advent of email and social networking sites like Facebook.  These funny jokes mostly come in the form of an X-rated joke and can be shared by email or told over the office water cooler.  Whichever way they are delivered, these jokes can give us a good laugh and provide some needed relief from a dreary day.  

  1. Birds and Bees.  The mother explains the concept to her daughter by saying “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby”.  The twist comes when the daughter asks what she gets when she puts “daddy’s penis in your mouth” and the mother answers “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”
  2. Man loses Credit Card.   A man loses his credit card and does not report it.  The reason is that the thief is spending less than his wife.
  3. Teaching Kids to use the Word Definitely.  This funny joke for adults pokes fun at kids saying very funny adult statements.  A teacher was teaching some kids in class the use of the word “definitely” and no one was getting it right.  Finally a boy asks "Does a fart have lumps?" Astonished, the teacher says “No!”. The boy then replies "OK. Then I definitely shit my pants."
  4. Dickorette.  Despite the fact that it may offend most gay people it remains pretty funny.  This one goes like this. “Did you hear about the gay man that wears a nicotine patch on his penis? He is down to three butts a day!”
  5. The Dirty-Pants Trance.  A hypnotist hypnotized a group of people on stage and has them under his control to do anything he says.  He then walks across the stage but trips of his microphone cable, falls on the ground and shouts “Sh*t!”
  6. Dead Pussy.  An old woman walks onto a bus with a dead cat which she wants to bring to the cemetery.  She tells the bus driver “I have a dead pussy”.  The bus driver turns around and say “sit with my wife, you both have a lot in common”.
  7. Making Love To.  This one goes like this:  How do you know if you are making love to a teacher, a nurse or an airline stewardess? A teacher says we got to do this over and over again until we get it right.  A nurse says hold still this won't hurt a bit.  And an airline stewardess says put this over your mouth and nose and breathe normally.
  8. Is It Michael Jackson?  A little boy asks his mom “is God a girl or a boy?” and the mother answers “God is both girl and boy”.  The boy asks his mom “is God black or white?” and the mother answers “God is both black and white”.  The boy asks his mom “is God gay or straight?” and the mother answers “God is both gay and straight”.  The little boy finally asks – “Mom, Is God Michael Jackson?”
  9. Speeding.  A blonde gets stopped by a traffic cop and is asked to show him her driving license.  She asks the cop what the driver’s license looks like and the cop tells her that it is a rectangular card with her picture on it.  She finds something in her bag and hands it to the cop.  The cop looks at it and says – “if you had told me you were a police officer I wouldn't have pulled you over.”
  10. Off to Vegas.  A husband comes back one day to see his wife outside the house with her bags packed.  He asks her where she is going and she says she is going to Las Vegas.  She says she is going to work there as she just found out she can get $400 a night for what she has been giving her husband for free.  The husband runs up to pack his bags and comes down.  Curious, the wife asks where the husband is going.  The husband replies – “ I want to see how you live on $800 a year”.
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