Funny Love Quotes

These funny love quotes can give you a different perspective on this complicated subject as well as give you a good chuckle. Some may also be used as a humorous pick-up line or a witty combat. The following quotes run the gamut of well-known figures—from poets to politicians—all of whom have their laugh-inducing views of the experiences and effects of love.

  1. “When you are courting a girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.” Albert Einstein, theoretical physicist and one of the most influential thinkers of the 20th century knew how to relate the convoluted laws of relativity to the lay public with this quote.
  2. “Men always want to be a woman’s first love, and women like to be a man’s last romance.” It’s no surprise that the most successful playwright, poet and novelist of the Victorian era—Oscar Wilde—had a way with words about love, especially with a comedic twist.
  3. “By all means marry. If you get a good wife you will become happy, and if you get a bad one you will become a philosopher.” It is now known how Socrates, the Father of Western Philosophy, rose to prominence with this quote.
  4. “Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy.” As a writer about foreign policy and international affairs, the 56th Secretary of State Henry Kissinger could’ve written as well on diplomacy between the sexes. 
  5. The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is ''What does a woman want?''” Even the founder of psychoanalysis and one of the leading thinkers of his times, Sigmund Freud, couldn’t figure this one out. What hope is there for the rest of the regular guys?
  6. “To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.” Woody Allen’s hot and cold relationship with relationships couldn’t have been demonstrated more than by propensities for multiple whirlwind marriages, divorces and even controversial romances."
  7. Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it and it darts away.” Dorothy Parker, the infamous American satirist and poet—famous for her and sharp wit and wisecracking went through three marriages (including two to the same man) to figure this truism of a quote out.
  8. “Men loves little and often. Women, much and rarely.” The author of this is unknown, however, the source of conflict in the battle of the sexes could be easily summed up with this amusing truism of a quote and due to its universal applicability, could come from anywhere.
  9. "Everybody loves you when they are about to cum.” As the top female recording artist of all time, why this quote was never a refrain in one of Madonna’s many love and erotica songs confounds the multiple generations of her fans and listeners.
  10. "Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere." Master of satire Groucho Marx has a plethora of movies, plays and books under his belt, but is most famous for his rapid-fire wit and humor that was reflected in his vaudeville grease paint eyebrows and mustaches.
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