Funny Marriage Quotes

Funny marriage quotes are one of the best prescriptions for a happy marriage, and if mentally consumed on a daily basis you will laugh your way to a successful marriage. Read on, and take your dose of funny marriage quotes. 

  1. “In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.” Rita Rudner. Now, what Hollywood couple could Rita have in mind?  Maybe, the two day marriage of Britney Spears and Jason Alexander, or the nine day marriage of Carmen Electra and Dennis Rodman, or the six hour marriage of Rudolph Valentino and Jean Acker. Although, Hollywood is known for short-lived marriages these examples appear to be the exception and not the norm.    
  2. “I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” Rita Rudner. This humorous observation has some weight to it. Marriage does have its painful moments, and a husband who knows the difference between a diamond and cubic zirconium has an advantage over some husbands.
  3. “By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” Socrates. Hopefully, Xanthippe, the wife of Socrates saw the humor in her mate’s wry remark. If not, it would explain how Socrates found the alone time of to produce his words of wisdom.
  4. “Why does a woman work ten years to change a man’s habits and then complain and then complain he’s not the man she married?” Barbra Streisand.  Streisand, may have a point.
  5. “Some women pick men to marry, and others pick them to pieces.” Mae West.  This is a sad commentary on some marriages that turn cannibalistic. There’s no room for this behavior in marriage or any other relationship.
  6. “It is true that love is blind, but marriage is definitely an eye-opener.” (Author Unknown).  The Shakespearean quote, "But love is blind and lovers cannot see," is an accurate description of love in its infancy. But, when passions subside the flaws in each spouse become apparent, and this revelation reality sets in.    
  7. “Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings attached.” (Author Unknown). The sweet music of the violin is the honeymoon.  The strings attached are commitment, compromise and mutual respect. 
  8. “Son: Is it true, Dad? I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries. Dad: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE.”  This is an amusing way this dad has chosen to pass on wisdom to his son.  Whether, husband or wife, neither really knows the other until the courtship and wedding ceremony are over.   
  9. “My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, little wine, good food…She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.” Henny Youngman. Yes, even happily married couples need some time apart. There is some truth to the saying, “absence makes the heart grow fonder.”
  10. “Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” Erma Bombeck. The only guarantee in a successful marriage is the surprise at the end that only death separated the one from the other. Add to this one caveat: The heart of a successful marriage is hard work and commitment. 

These funny marriage quotes are examples of truths told with humor to soften the impact without lessening its import. So, next time you and your mate are on opposite sides of an issue remember a funny marriage quote to diffuse the situation.

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