Healing Abandonment Issues Within A Relationship: 5 Tips

If you're relationship is straining under the weight of your insecurity, start healing abandonment issues within a relationship: 5 tips can make all the difference for you and your partner. Maybe your current partner is "the one."  Over time, your partner's reliable love and reassurance may finally alleviate your abandonment issues within your relationship.  Unfortunately, those very issues sometimes become self-fulfilling prophesies, as your fear trigger perverse behavior that may bring about the very thing you fear the most.  How can you heal your abandonment issues once and for all, before they ruin your life?

  1. Find the balance between self and relationship.  All humans have a need to belong, and to achieve that they make certain compromises, like performing social rituals (shaking hands), using good manners, and acting "normal," particularly when first meeting people.  This is normal and healthy.  But make sure that as your relationship develops, you aren't suppressing your personality or abilities out of your fear of abandonment. 
  2. Find the balance of give and take in your relationship.  The happiest relationships are ones where both partners feel that they give and receive approximately equal amounts of love and devotion.  This doesn't mean using sex as a negotiation tool, but making sure that you're aware of your partner's needs, and that your needs aren't going largely unmet.
  3. Listen to what you say to yourself.  Half of what we experience isn't what really happened, but how we perceive it.  If your partner is late coming home from work, you only have one fact:  he was late coming home from work.  Now your perceptions come into play.  Do you assume that he was with someone else, planning his abandonment of you?  Or do you wait for the explanation, and form your perceptions accordingly? Remember, if you allow your abandonment issues to control you, your reactions to unconfirmed suspicions will eventually drive away even the most devoted partner.
  4. Take care of your relationship the way you would a beloved child.  Relationships need constant care and maintenance.  Communicate.  Nurture.  Give your relationship quality of time.  And if you see that your relationship might be weakening or growing sick, tend to it immediately. 
  5. Distinguish reality from fantasy.  We were all brought up with the fairytale, but if you find yourself making excuses for your partner or ignoring troubling behavior, this is a signal that you may be focusing on the story instead of the reality.  This doesn't necessarily mean that you're going to be obligated to leave or end the relationship.  Abandonment issues are a fiction — they are the conviction that everyone will always leave you.  Let go of all of the fictions, and you may discover that you, a flawed but wonderful human being, have the chance to have a beautiful, long term relationship with another flawed, wonderful human being.
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