How to Be the Life of the Party

So you want to know how to be the life of the party. While it may seem like all fun and games from the outside, being the life of the party is serious business. If you follow this guide closely enough (which is to say, exactly to the letter), you'll be hearing other guys muttering "douchebag" under their breath in jealousy in no time.

  1. Be Funny Being funny is like life of the party 101. Funny people have the respect and admiration of their partying peers. Don't have a relatable sense of humor? That's fine, because there are plenty of things you can do to give people the impression of wit and humor without actually doing or saying anything funny. Try wearing a variety of larger-than-normal hats, for instance. Or maybe try quoting lines from movies made by people funnier than you – "I'm kind of a big deal" is popular because it's funny AND arrogant. Which brings us to our next tip:
  2. Be Arrogant Partiers love arrogance because it saves them the time of evaluating you for themselves – if you obviously know you're awesome, then it only makes sense that they would agree. So in order to be the life of the party it helps to be an arrogant jackass – people will be fighting to earn your respect while less charismatic partiers struggle to comprehend how they could have been invited to the same party as an awesome cat like you. Sunglasses? Sunglasses.
  3. Dance Being the life of the party requires going the extra mile. And if the party you're at has "dancing" on the agenda, that includes, well dancing. So get out there and dance, dance dance! They love your wild flailing and your vaguely violent gestures!
  4. Keep It Relaxed Now this might seem difficult, considering you're reading an article about how to be the life of the party. But if the other partiers can in any way sense how hard you're trying to be a cool guy, the entire thing will have been for nothing (you could be home watching porn!). So for God's sake DON'T let them see you sweat. Fake it till ya make it, boy!
  5. Don't Talk About Space We all know that there are few topics more fascinating than outer space. Interstellar colonization, laser guns, extra-terrestrial life – all of these things are awesome and fun to think about. But they AREN'T good party topics. Instead, try talking about the latest dance moves, obscure bands that you're listening to, or about that model you used to date. Being the life of the party is all about knowing when to talk about space and when not to.
  6. Don't Refer To Yourself As "The Life of the Party" Cool people don't try to be cool, they just are. So if you want to be the life of the party don't walk around asking people "hey, I'm the life of the party right?" This smacks of desperation. And you're not desperate, are you? No, you're the life of the party!

Follow these tips and you'll forget what not being the life of the party was ever like!

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