You may be wondering how to become an action movie star. But what you should be asking yourself is: The red wire, or the blue wire? Forget it, here's how to become an action movie star.
Work On Your Quippy One-Liners Most action stars have a one-liner ready for virtually any situation. You just set a bad guy on fire? "You're fired." You just decapitated the bad guy? "Don't lose your head." And so on. Fortunately for society, it's a rare occasion in the average person's life that events such as these occur, so it would be wise to adapt and quip accordingly if you want to eventually become an action movie star. Somebody forgot to get the water cooler refilled? "He's all dried up." See? It's fun.
Have A Disregard For Innocent Bystanders If you want to become an action movie star, you're gonna have to deal with some collateral damage. In a typical action movie scene, cars will crash and explode, buildings will topple, and fruit will get smashed. No one, not even the "good guys," ever appear to have any concern for the safety of the individuals caught in the crossfire. If you find yourself worrying about how they're ever going to repair all that scaffolding, remind yourself of your ultimate goal: becoming an action star.
Refuse To Die True action stars can receive enough physical punishment to topple 10 Dick Cheneys, and still have energy enough to grab the girl and kiss her just as the fireworks start. If you want to compete, you have to start doing the same. Eating healthy and exercising won't hurt, but the real secret here is willpower. Make a promise to yourself that you will not die, no matter what happens. That should do it.
Get A Funny Sidekick Yes, we know they're annoying and loathsome 99% of the time. Still, the writing is on the wall—to be in an action star, you gotta have a funny sidekick. Or at the very least, a "funny" sidekick.
Don't Play By The Rules Playing by the rules is a great way to get comfort and stability in your life. It's not a good way to become an action movie star. These guys all use their unorthodox methods to get results—no matter how flustered their superiors get in the process. So, you know, start trying to beat yellow lights and stuff. Live on the edge!
Have A Sensitive Side If there's an optional step, this is it. Still, many action movie stars are famous for allowing their softer sides to become a part of their personas: Your Swayzes, your Damons, etc. It has broad demographic appeal and it softens your image in case you want to try your hand at being a romantic lead.
Don't Have A Sensitive Side On the other hand, many other action stars don't have a sensitive side. Stallone, Bruce Lee, Clint Eastwood. It's up to you which of these two groups you want to be a part of. No, really—we won't judge.
Scowl Quit grinning all the damn time.
Follow this guide and you'll be well on your way to becoming an action movie star. Good luck, and don't forget us when you get to the top!