How To Become Less Manly

Sure I'll tell you how to become less manly. I don't get it, but here you go:

1. Shave yourself. What's the one thing that separates us from the boys besides a fully formed cerebral cortex? That's right, hair. Deny your birthright and get rid of as much as possible. Get rid of it on your chest, armpits and anywhere else that you don't want to look like a manly man.
2. Don't lift weights. Lifting weights causes the production of testosterone, which makes you more manly. Stop this process by eliminating the weight room all together. What to do instead? Take up yoga. The spandex will hug your testicles to your body, heating them up and lowering your sperm count. Plus you won't look as big and beefy.
3. Put things in your hair. Manly men don't put anything in their hair. Not bows, not bobby pins, not product. You heard me. So start spending a lot of time on your hair in the morning. Put mousse in it and hair gel. Get the tips colored if you really want to sell it.
   
4. Go vegetarian. With this you will lose weight and smell better. These are things that manly men do not do. Showing sympathy for fellow man can be considered something that is not manly, but that is a whole political discussion.
5. Hang out with girls. Your friends rub off on you whether you like it or not. So if you hang around men all the time, you are going to act manly. If you hang around women, you will start to act more like them.
6. Take up effeminate hobbies. Here are a couple for you to try on: Knitting, Sewing, Cat Rearing or Yoga.

Whether or not you are manly is all a state of mind. Don't try to one-up everybody, and get some throw pillows. Watch Ellen. You have to surround yourself with items, activities and culture that is defined as being for women. Then, and only then, will you be able to deny your destiny and become less manly.