How To Behave On A Date

This guide to how to behave on a date will help even the most unsophisticated lout win over the favor of the woman he is wooing.  Bonus tip:  Don’t ever use the word “wooing” while on a date.

1. Dress Nicely.  Don’t show up in your ripped jeans and ironic t-shirt unless you’re taking your date to a rock concert with similarly-dressed concert-goers.  Show her you know how to look nice and appreciate her enough to put forth the effort.  Throw on your best pair of khakis and a button down shirt, but not before ironing them first.  If they’re “wrinkle-free” then you should probably buy something nicer.  Wrinkle-free clothes are like Velcro sneakers; they’re not for big boys.
2. Use your best manners.  Don’t belch, don’t fart, don’t pick your nose, and don’t make crude jokes or crass sexual remarks.  Save those things for when you’re around your guy friends.  Open the door for your date and help her into her seat at the table before seating yourself.  Say “please” and “thank you.”  First and foremost, be a gentleman.
3. Pay attention.  Don’t do all the talking.  Listen to what your date is saying.  Too many people only wait for their turn to speak.  If you show a genuine interest in hearing what she has to say, she will appreciate you all the more for it.  Plus, the more you know about her the easier your conversation will be.
4. Offer to pay but don’t do it without asking.  Some women appreciate when the guy picks up the tab.  Others would rather pay their own way.  Don’t pay without asking and risk offending your date.  Make the offer, and if she declines then just pay for yourself.
5. Watch your body language.  Show her with your body language that you’re interested.  Don’t yawn when she’s talking or slouch in your seat.  Sit up and look attentive.  Give her a light touch on the arm when you’re talking for emphasis.  Most importantly: make eye contact and smile at her.
6. Watch her body language.  Look to your date for cues as to whether or not she is enjoying herself.  Is she yawning and checking her watch?  Maybe it’s time to change the topic of conversation away from your favorite video game and toward something she is interested in.  At the end of the night, is she leaning in for a kiss?  If you miss that cue you’re going to leave her feeling rejected.  At the same time, if you lean in for one and she cringes, you’d probably best just say goodnight and be on your way.  It wasn’t meant to be.