How to Crash a Wedding

So, you want to know how to crash a wedding? Normally weddings are boring, especially the ones you are required to attend, you know, like your sisters. But, crashing a wedding of someone you don't know is something completely different. Chances are, you want to know how to crash a wedding for the fun of the attempt, and to pick up a girl and get lucky. Here are some tips on how to crash a wedding:

  1. Get inside the reception without an invitation. One way to do so is to sneak in the receiving line to congratulate the happy couple. The second option is to enter the wedding reception after it's already started. By then, everyone is having fun, getting drunk, and done caring about anything else.
  2. The best way to crash a wedding is to pretend to be a relative. Families are so messed up nowadays. No siblings have the same two parents anymore, and many grandparents have raised grandchildren who gave birth when they were 14 and their parents were too high to notice. You can easily call yourself a relative, a "second cousin through marriage and adoption". Confusing someone with your explanation of how you are related will be enough to get them to believe you, just to shut you up.
  3. Sometimes, when crashing a wedding, you don't even need to explain who you are. Just walk into a reception and act like you know everyone and that they should know you. Act like you belong. Chances are they will be too ashamed or bewildered to admit they don't recognize you. Instead, they will shake your hand or hug you, and tell you how happy they are to see you again.
  4. Eavesdrop. When wandering the reception, listen to what people say to each other. This will give you names and important information. Approach someone whose name you learned from eavesdropping and start a conversation with it. Because you know them, they will assume they should now you as well, and will probably pretend, too.
  5. Dance with all the ladies. Yes, you are learning how to crash a wedding to get a hot girl, but first you have to persuade everyone that you belong so that the women will go home with you. Dance with every girl, no matter how old or ugly. Only someone who is supposed to be at a wedding will happily dance with old aunt Bertha. Not to mention, it will make you look like such a good guy to all the other ladies.
  6. Prepare ahead of time. Try to get a little information on the happy couple before the wedding takes places. This way you don't show up in a tuxedo at a luau themed wedding. Also, never crash a wedding without knowing the bride and groom's names.
  7. Stay away from small private affairs. It is suicide to crash a wedding that has a small number of guests. Chances are everyone knows everyone else. None of the relative tricks will work.
  8. Finish with a bang. Let's say you failed at walking out of the reception with a girl or there just weren't any good prospects. You don't want to crash a wedding and then leave with nothing. So, go out with a bang. Pretend to be drunk and then give a toast. Cry and bring up inappropriate memories you had with the bride or groom. You choose which. After that, you can walk out or be thrown out.

 

 

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