Though Shakespeare’s self-pitying Dane is most well-know for proclaiming “To be or not to be, that is the question,” Hamlet once asked Ophelia “How do you put on vajazzling?” Unfortunately, the price of Denmark and all of his loved ones fell prey to suicide, swords, and poison. Still, inquiring minds wonder how to apply a blinding vaginal blanket of gems. Read on, dear friends, read on.
Things You’ll Need
- Swarovski crystals
- 1 vagina
- Cleaning solution
- Mental Preparation. The first step to learning how to put on vajazzling is mental preparation. This step applies to both the vajazzler and the vajazzlee. The party who will be applying the vajazzle will need to remain calm and assured during the process. The party who will be receiving the vajazzle will need to have a pattern in mind, and have a similar sense of calm. When choosing a vajazzling pattern, the vuvla can be used as part of the design. For instance, the organ can form the mouth of an animal such as a crocodile.
- Clearing the Area. In order for vajazzling to stay put, the pubic area must be free of hair. There are three ways to achieve this. The first is alopecia, which is a medical condition that prevents humans from growing hair in certain places. For those not suffering from this affliction, it’s the wax or the razor blade. Waxing is recommended as it keeps the area clear for longer. Waxing or shaving should be done immediately preceding vajazzlement for best effect. Since you’re already down there with the wax, why not give the anus a once over? It’s no good having a shined and polished vajayjay if there’s a gremlin emerging from your butt.
- The Once Over. Once the area is clear, you’ll need to make sure that it’s truly clear by giving it a once over. The once over entails two things, the first of which is checking for remnants of the shaving or waxing. Make sure that all shaving cream, wax, hair, and moisture is removed from the area. The second step to the once over is ensuring that the region is clean. Use some cleaning solution, soap and water will do, to prepare the area. Once the area is clean, dry it thoroughly. Only the region to which the vajazzle will be applied must remain moisture-free. It’s ok to get horny.
- Outlining the Pattern. Before the actual vajazzle is applied, it behooves one to have a good idea of where each crystal will need to be placed in order to create the desired design. Professional vajazzlers have patterns prepared on piece of paper that are ready to be removed and simply applied as is to the pubic area, with aesthetic modifications to be conducted on the spot. For those vajazzling with a home kit, patterns will also be prepared. However, for those vajazzling in a more off-the-cuff, DIY manner, you’ll need to put together a pattern before hand. For first time vajazzlers, using a kit or going to a professional is recommended. You don’t want your cooter to look like a sidewalk sprinkled with broken glass.
- Vajazzle. It’s time to put that vajazzle on your naughty parts. If you’ve done all of the requisite preparation, this step should be relatively simple. In professional settings, vajazzlers simply apply the Swarovski crystals in the pre-arranged pattern. The crystals should be warmed by the hands of the vajazzler before applied. This will help activate the adhesive that will keep the crystals stuck to the body of the recipient. When vajazzling at home from a kit, it’s always best to have help vajazzling, as it’s hard to make sure everything is working out from the vantage point of the self.
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