How To Dress Like A Guido

If you are reading how to dress like a guido than hopefully this is for a Halloween costume. "Guido" is the term for stereotypical Italian males acting stupid. Their version of Italian is an entirely American phenomenon. It originated from the New Jersey / New York area and has little to do with actual European Italians. Lucky for you, guido's follow a very stringent set of guidelines, so dressing like a Guido should be simple.

If you want to dress like a Guido you will need;

  • hair gel
  • home waxing kit
  • gym membership
  • a tanning salon
  • tight clothes
  • gold chains
  • cell phone
  1. Gel and spike your hair. If is it not a dark brown or black, dye it to look like an authentic guido.
  2. Go tanning. Visit the girls at the tanning salon everyday.
  3. Hit the gym. Again, this is a daily trip for you. The size of your biceps is of extreme importance.
  4. Wax your arms. This is to show off your tan and daily trips to the gym.
  5. Tight jeans, preferably designer, are a must. The tighter the jeans the better to show off your glutes.
  6. Wear a "wife beater" or skin tight T-shirt with a saying. Preferably the saying should be rude and reference sex or how sexy you are. Wear a tight button down shirt if you are going out to the club. Unbutton it to at least the middle of your chest, you need to show off your tan and tight abs.
  7. Gold chains or an oversized cross to draw more attention to yourself. The cross goes nicely with the rude saying on your T-shirt.
  8. Track suits are worn without irony. The key is to make sure it is tight and you don't forget to slip on your gold chains.
  9. Designer sunglasses are worn day and night. You spent a lot on your glasses, it is important that everyone sees them, even if you yourself can not see.
  10. Your phone is the latest and greatest and constantly by your side. A guido is always on the move.
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