How To Drink More Beer

Knowing how to drink more beer requires a cultivated technique that can only be accomplished with the will of a warrior. Anyone can be a drunk, but if you are going for volume then it is like any other endurance sport. Pounding beer after beer requires concentration, stamina and some serious intestinal fortitude. Actually, the intestinal part usually happens the next day…

To drink more beer, you will need:

  • Food
  • Water
  • A toilet
  • Lots of beer
  1. Last man standing. To drink more beer, you have to go low and slow. Pounding beer too fast will definitely get you wasted, but you will also be one of the first people done partying. In social circles, the first few to leave a party are either polite with other engagements or the shameless drunks who pass out on the bathroom floor. Don’t be that guy. Nobody likes stepping over you to pee and your friends will draw on you or pose you for humiliating pictures.
  2. Food. Eating before, during and after can not only make you feel bloated and put on some extra pounds, it can also help you drink more beer. People who drink beer all day are either eating a lot or hopeless alcoholics. Food before you drink will line your stomach and help keep the alcohol in check. Munching on snacks while you drink will keep you more level headed and some pizza after a bender always helps your recovery time.
  3. Water. People who know how to drink more beer often sneak water into their diet. Water helps your system flush out the brew and also keeps you hydrated. Unless you are a crazy, homeless street drunk, you will need water to go the distance. Drink a glass of water every two beers and you will be surprised how much brew you can consume.
  4. The Greek way. The Greek way refers to the fraternity boy method. When there is no more room in your stomach for beer but you have a choice of slamming a beer or sprinting nude down the street with a marshmallow wedged in your butt cheeks, you will take the beer. It is the obvious choice because you know the swine will also make you eat the marshmallow. Your stomach can hold almost a quart so you will probably vomit and waste the beer but afterwards, you will be able to drink more. Ah, college.
  5. Strong ales. Not all beer is created equal. If you consistently drink good beer with a higher alcohol content you will build up an insane, superhuman tolerance to cheap beer. Cheap keg beer will go down like water. The drawback is after getting used to good beer, the cheap stuff tastes like goat piss and you may not be able to drink it fast enough to get drunk.
  6. Repetitive motion. Practice makes perfect. If you can, drink every day. Keep emergency beer stashed around the house. Once your body gets used to regularly consuming six to ten beers a day, you will not only be on your way to a sad life of alcoholism, but you will totally be able to slam more beer!

 

 

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