How To Fake Sick
You might be interested in learning how to fake sickness if you simply want to get out of something like work or school. Because most formal institutions don’t care that there are days you simply don’t want to do something, you have to go to the extremes of trying to fake sickness so that your absence is honored. Don’t worry. We've got you covered in terms of helping you get out of whatever you have to do by faking sickness.
- If you’re trying to fake sick in front of your parents, you’ll need to start early. It’s never a good idea to begin acting like you’ve been suddenly overtaken with a deadly case of the flu just minutes before it’s time to go to school. You’ll want to start this process the night before if at all possible.
- Don’t go all out with the symptoms in the beginning. If you’ve started faking sick the night before, it may be a good idea to start out light. Maybe you can keep tensing the muscles in your head up to create a flushed appearance in your face. Maybe you can act sluggish or deny going out with friends. Try to act a little different than normal.
- Don’t laugh about things or show amusement. Think about this; when somebody is sick, they don’t find the humor in jokes or get overly excited. They’re generally thinking about their sickness and feeling horrible.
- Go to bed early. This will definitely cause your parents to wonder if something is up. Once you’ve decided to lie down, tell your parents that you’re going to bed. Don’t mention that you don’t feel well. Tell your parents that you’re going to bed and be sure to keep a blank stare on your face.
- Make fake vomit before your parents wake up the next morning. Typically, when you strategically place fake vomit in your room, wake up your parents to show it to them; this is enough to convince them that you’re sick. You can make your fake vomit from lots of things including milk, dog food, cereal, etc.
- If you’re faking sickness because you don’t want to go to work, you may need a different approach at this. This is simply because you’re trying to convince your employer instead of your parents that you’re ill.
- Instead of calling into work with the whole coughing bit, go into work. Many people think that they can get away with faking sick just by calling in and generating a few coughs on their end, but many employers are two steps ahead of this mentality. Instead, go into work but be prepared to put on a huge front.
- Your ultimate goal in this situation is to be sent home from work. To begin convincing your co-workers and employer that you’re too sick to work, you’ll need to begin acting like you don’t feel good. You can do this by acting sluggish and irritable. As time marches on, begin adding more symptoms into the picture. You can begin placing your palm on your forehead and making worried looks, massaging your temples, etc.
- If you want to add a nice touch, abruptly stop what you’re doing and walk quickly to the bathroom. You may want to gag yourself to produce real vomit, but if you are in the bathroom alone, you can wait for about ten minutes so that your co-workers think something is wrong. If a co-worker enters the bathroom and checks on you, add a bit of distress to your voice.
- Walk back out after a long period of time and let your employer know about your situation. If you can get your employer to come in the bathroom with vomit in the toilet, this usually immediately prompts them to let you go home. The grosser you can make the situation, the better your odds are. This is simply because nobody wants to be disgusted while in the workplace. Good luck!